Diary of a broken soul

Chapter 4

May 22, 2006

Two days for the camp. I'm actually looking forward to it, I want to see Belle's beautiful face. I actually see her at school, but I don't know, I want to see her the whole day. I really really want her to spend the weekend with me. I think she's more than a little crush. I can't stop smiling when I talk with her, I think she knows I like her, I can't be more obvious. It doesn't matter, she'll know sooner or later. I really hope she is the way she seems to be, because some people pretend to be someone that is comepletely different to themselves and it's so stupid. So fake. I'd rather be alone than fake, it doesn't make any sense, at least for me. I told Erick about the camp. I don't really know why I trust him more than Mark. He said he has a friend that is going to the camp too. Her name is Hope and apparently she's "fat" and ugly, but I have never seen her before so it's not fair to judge her before I meet her. He said she is funny and cool, though. I'm not planning to talk with her in the camp, it's not that I don't want to meet her, based on what Erick told me she seems to be a nice girl, but I'm trying to focus on Belle. I like her and I'm going to be her boyfriend someday, I know I will or at least I hope that.
Mark is like her best guy friend or something like that. He said that she told him she likes me in the same way I do. I'm not that surprised, she looks at me in a special way and I do too (I won't deny it). She gets really nervous when I am with her. She's been asking me to hang out but I don't have enough time for it. I have guitar lessons four days a week, maybe sometimes I have time but I don't really want to, I don't have a reason I just don't.

I thought that was all I was going to write today, but Mark came to my house and gave me a letter from Belle! I didn't expect it at all.

"Hey Luke, it has been an awesome week because of you, you have been making my days so perfect and I just wanted to thank you for everything. I am sorry if this sounds weird, but I know you are going to a camp this weekend and I am going too. Let's say Anne does not know how to keep secrets haha :).

It will be fun though. I honestly thought it was the worst idea ever but now, I think I am going to enjoy it. I really hope you are not freaking out because of what I am telling you. I just want you to know that I really really like you. I hope you feel the same way about me..."

Well, now I'm completely sure she feels the same way I do about her. I'm really excited of seeing her tomorrow. I want to tell her how I feel about her.

It's 3 am and I can't sleep, I've been overthinking lately about absolutely everything. This night I'm thinking about Belle. I am really nervous. I'll probably freeze haha. I think I'll need some help, maybe if I write her what I feel it will be easier. Then I can just talk with her about this. I think it is a really good idea, she loves to write too, we're like perfect for each other.

Hi Belle.
To be honest, I am really shocked because I didn't think you would ever like me in that way but I'm glad you told me, because I do too. I feel so nervous when I'm with you, I get lost in your eyes and that beautiful smile you have. I don't understand how you manage to be so perfect. I love the way you are, you're not just beautiful. You are smart, charismatic, funny... Just perfect, I can't describe what I feel about you. I'm doing my best. I'm really excited of seeing you this weekend, I promise you it'll be really fun.
I thought it was going to be awful too until I met you. This might be a coward way of telling you how I feel about you but this is the best way (at least for me) to describe my feelings about someone as special as you. I never thought someone as perfect as you could be depressed, I'm still surprised. You don't deserve anything like that. Nobody does. I hope the camp works for you. Anne is not that bad, she just needs to understand it is absolutely not okay to tell everybody the secrets of her patients. Now if you want to, let's plan our weekend. :)

It isn't that long, I'm still really nervous. It's really hard to express myself completely when I'm nervous! Anne, I love your idea now. What if she doesn't like the letter and she thinks I'm a cheesy idiot?

May 23, 2006

Maybe it is really soon to have a beautiful relationship, but we have one. Belle is my girlfriend. It happened really quickly, I can't belive we spent the whole day cuddling and smiling. It was just as always, but we are even closer now.
When she read my little letter she started to smile so much I thought she was going to laugh at me haha. I'm still so freaking nervous when I'm near her but at the same time I am comfortable with her. She is too, or at least that's what I think. I'm giving her a gift at the camp. I don't know what though. She likes so many things that it's hard to choose. She loves to draw as much as I do, she told me when we met she wanted so bad to have a drawing of her stunning face. People say I was born with the talent of drawing. I don't think I am that good. I like the way I draw, but it's not perfect, Belle loves it and that's important enough for me draw her. I hope I don't screw it up. She's so nice to me all the time. What I like the most about her is that she didn't forget her friends because of me, she still hangs out with them, that means she really cares about them. I never liked when a girl wants to be next to you all the time. Fortunatelly, she's absolutely not like that. She is flawless, she can find so many flaws in her, but everything she says is ugly I find it perfect. I want her to feel perfect too, I don't get why she feels so bad about herself. She should be completely proud of herself. I want to write her something too. It is an awesome way to express my feelings about her. So, I took an hour to write this, I hope it is enough to make her feel perfect.

Hello, flawless Belle.

I'm glad I can share more time with you, this relationship is going to be an incredible experience, at least for me. I drew something for you, without any reason. I know this sounds really stupid, like why would I give you a random gift when we've been together for a day? Well, I'm like that, also, I want you to feel as beautiful as I and all the world see you. I'm sure I won't have the need of covering or changing anything from your face to make you look prettier, you don't need anything to be prettier. There is no way you can be prettier, funnier, more perfect than you already are. I want you to tell me your secret please, I need to know how do you manage to be perfect all the time? I thought it was impossible, but now, all I see in you is perfection. I feel that you'll end up dumping me because I'm too cheesy but well, at least I enjoyed this day so much. Belle, I want you to feel pretty. I want you to look at the mirror and think what I think about you. I want this so bad. Please try to tell yourself every morning and every night that you're perfect the way you are. Maybe you think it's the biggest lie ever, but please try it. You won't lose anything if you try it, I'm sure it'll work. Never compare yourself with people around you (specially those stupid girls that you find so pretty when they look like a bag of crap) because you have your own way of perfection, so do they. We all have our own way of being pretty, handsome, or perfect. Just try to believe in that. I know you like some things about yourself, but you don't like a lot of things too. Ironically, those things are what makes you perfect (at least for me), like you said you hate your voice, but it is so cute everybody loves it. I've heard girls wishing they had a voice like yours, I'm not lying at all. Whenever you need me I'll be here for you, everytime you need a hug, I'll give it to you, everytime you need to laugh I'll try to make you at least smile, because I want you to feel happy.

I really really like you for a reason, Belle.