The Billionaire's Deal (BWWM)

30. (part 2)

Song- Russian Roulette by Rihanna

Aiden.

I drove at full speed to my house.

I fucked up big time.... I will never get a second chance.

"you turned my fucking life into a goddamn deal!"

I sighed, wiping the tears from my eyes. I didn't mean to do that.

But I did.

Father was right.

I always fucked things up.

Mama wouldn't have killed herself if I hadn't told her about Father's affair with Ms. Linda.

But I did, now she's dead.

That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

Somehow I always wound up letting the women in my life down.

Lia wouldn't have cheated on me if I had been a good boyfriend.

But I wasn't, so she cheated.

I made more mistakes with Clarisse, my love.

" If you know what's good for you you won't touch me!"

I winced.

I wronged her the moment I met her.

I splashed her with water, dirty water.

Then I kidnapped her on more than one occasions.

Then I stole her first kiss, without her permission.

Then I got engaged to her, broke up with her and went back to Lia.
'
I made that stupid deal.

I ruined her life.

"And to think I was feeling ashamed because I let a guy kiss me!"

I couldn't hate her. Hell, I wouldn't have blamed her if she slept with him. It just hurt to know that she wanted me to hurt like that.

I did the same thing, I hurt her with that deal, so I guess we were even.

I'm just sorry that she had to hear it from someone else.

"I broke down in front of her. In front of her Aiden! "

I never wanted her to feel weak in front of anyone, especially my ex.

I got out the car and went to my house.

The same house that Mama took her life.

History will repeat itself.

"You made me do that Aiden! You did and I fucking hate you for that!"

********************************

I went inside, her words hitting me again and again. I yelled.

"Dammit!"

I threw things around, until I got to the kitchen. I stared at the knife.

It seemed to beckon at me, to call me.

"Comfort yourself with the blade Aiden."

I went closer to the knife.

"Leave me alone."

Your wish is my command my love.

I picked up the knife and stared at it.

It was like a deja vu, only I was alone.

I sunk it slowly into my wrist, watching the blood trail down my skin.

It was so addicting, like a drug.

I watched as the drop became a stream.

Then the room began to spin.

My life flashed before my eyes. I saw so many things.

Mama's death, her funeral, the numerous therapy sessions.

The therapists being bribed by Father to stay quiet.

Me moving to his house.

Being bullied and abused by Linda.

Lia.

My times with Mike and Paul.

and Clarisse.

Our first meeting, her cold shivering face the first time I kidnapped her.

Her laugh, her smile, our kiss.

I love you Clarisse, forgive me Mama.

I guess we both died for love. Like mother, like son.

You taught your son well.

I fell to the floor.

I guess this was it.

So this was what it felt like, to embrace death.

How wonderful, to never cause anyone any pain.
*******************************
No Aiden!

Don't!

I've decided to finish this book between today and this weekend.

So...

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Ta ta!

-Safisha