Melting the Ice

1; atelophobia

"atelophobia"

—

(noun) Atelophobia is defined as the fear of imperfection. Accompanied with the fear of imperfection also comes thoughts of comparison with others' goals, accomplishments and expectations. Ultimately, it is the fear of "not being good enough." Although sentiments of atelophobia are extremely natural, one should seek help, if these feelings plague their mind.

etymology: Greek, ατελής atelès, meaning "imperfect" or "incomplete" and φόβος, phóbos, "fear".

❄❄❄❄

"Double axel! Again! Stable your leg when you land," my coach commands.

I try to do it again. Even though I'm exhausted and would kill for a swig of water, I push myself to the limits. I do it again, jumping in the air, twirling around, but then falling right down on the ice. 

"Fuck," I mutter with my closed eyes. My body is going to be severely bruised from today's session. It was brutal. I feel like my coach is trying to kill me sometimes, but I know she's only trying to make me the best. 

I have this love-hate relationship with her. And right now, it's pure hate. 

Some guys are sitting behind the glass, dressed in their hockey uniforms. Today's session lasted for way longer than other times and it went way past the time we had this hall rented for. 

"Again," my coach yells. She's frustrated with me today. And I get it. It's not really my day and I'm screwing everything up. Nothing goes as it should. 

I lift myself up from the ice and straighten my form, even though I want to just lay back down on the ground, crawl into a ball and cry because of exhaustion and because my whole body aches so badly. 

I try it again. And then three more times. And every time I fall down. 

"Work on your stabilisation, especially work your legs. Show me the backwards outside edges again," she commands me with an even tone, sounding composed as always. 

I do as she says. "Use the entire body," she reminds me. I focus on the task, trying to do the best I can.

"Work on that, too. I want it perfect the next time. We don't have time for this, Analeigh. The competition is going to be too soon and you still don't get the grasp of the basic moves you need to do perfectly." 

I skate to her and nod solemnly. She gives me the bottle of water and I gratefully take it from her. "See you tomorrow at 10. Make sure you get the moves right," she tells me sternly as she skates away. 

I look after her, really hating her in this moment. Her words really hurt sometimes, she can be brutal and it feels like she just doesn't have any feelings sometimes. But she's getting me stronger and better and that's why I'm very grateful, too.

I skate to the edge and get out, sitting down on the bench to untie my skates. "Not really your day today, huh?" a deep voice near me asks. 

I turn my head to look at the man that spoke. I've seen him before. He's a hockey player who's training here with his team a lot. "You could say that. But then, not everyone can be as good as you," I say.

He grins. "You got that right," he replies cockily.

I look down, working on my laces and roll my eyes. 

"Listen, the tip for the next time, I don't care how fucking bad you are, but our team has a training to do, too, and you just took some of our time away today."