lighter || phan au || prequel to cold

c h a p t e r // t e n

i'm sitting on my couch, staring at the wall, when the taps start.

it's almost eleven and i'm sure that phil isn't coming, even though he promised, because the day is nearly over and he's nowhere to be seen.

i stand from the couch, pulling down my sleeve as i do, and head to the direction of the taps. they're coming from my window.

i pull it open, and look out to see phil standing there, on the sidewalk two floors down, hand poised to throw another of the pebbles gathered at his feet.

"i was starting to worry you were asleep" he says, just barely loud enough to be heard. i pull the window closed, and run out of the flat, down the stairs, and outside, to where he's standing under the streetlight.

i stop a few meters away from him.

"i'm sorry" he says. "i had to work a double today last minute. i only just got off." he watches me carefully. my face is blank.

"i thought you weren't coming" i say.

"i'm sorry" he says. "listen, dan, i meant everything i said yesterday. i want you. i don't think there is better than you. i think that you're amazing, and it must be fate because we keep meeting in the most random places in such a big city. if you just want to be friends i understand, but i just, dan, i just want to kiss you again. we don't have to call it anything, you don't have to say you're gay, i don't care, i just want to be with you, okay? so now you know. that's where i stand. tell me what you want, dan."

"you" i say, and my voice comes out choked, strangled, but clear. "i just want you." and then i step forward, closing the gap, until we're only centimeters apart.

"go out with me" he says, and i can feel his breath on my lips. "a proper date. where we're both going together to see each other."

"alright" i say. he smiles, wide, and it crinkles the corners of his eyes and makes me feel so light and excited and alive. "can i ask you one thing?"

"sure, dan, anything."

"can you kiss me?"

he does.