Six Letter Word [Kaylor]

March 2017 (Part 1)

Waking up in my own bed shouldn't be disorienting, but putting my feet on the floor and feeling carpet under them instead of hospital slipper socks and cold tile was a welcome source of confusion. Karlie wasn't in bed with me, unsurprising since there was a good chance I'd been asleep for twelve hours or so, but I couldn't figure out where she was. I was used to being able to hear her moving around the house, unless she was in the soundproofed music room, and I missed that. I knew I wasn't supposed to try much of anything without someone to help me, but I really needed to pee, so I put on my glasses and gingerly made my way to the bathroom. Business concluded, I closed the lid so I could sit while I figured out what to do next. I wanted to shower. It seemed like no amount of warm, fragrant showers could wash away the slightly dirty feeling that came from having spent a little over two weeks in the hospital. They'd been giving me sponge baths all along, and one of the nurses had helped me shower the day I was discharged, but I still just felt...hospitaly. Still, I was very aware of my own limits and knew that even with the lawn chair Jeff had helpfully put in there when he and Mike and Sean had banded together to prepare the house for my return, trying to do it myself was going to be an epic disaster.

"Morning, love," read a handwritten note on the vanity counter next to my hearing aids. "If you want to shower, just yell, I'm only downstairs. Otherwise, if you feel up to it, put these in and take the elevator down, I'll make breakfast. Or lunch. Or whatever. I'm so glad to have you home *heart*" As if on cue, my stomach growled. Breakfast it was. I did want to hear my wife in the kitchen so I put in my hearing aids and turned them on. I stuck my feet into a pair of slippers and made my way to the elevator, where I slumped against the wall. I'd only been home a day and was already frustrated with how easily I got tired and how difficult simple things were. I had a feeling I was going to make myself crazy fighting my own limitations, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I was going to get stronger gradually, and pushing too hard was only going to make it worse. I was definitely going to be my own worst enemy for a while.

Karlie's face lit up as the elevator door opened. I guess she'd heard it working, because she was right there to greet me and help me to the chair in the living room I'd watched her cook from when I'd been banned from her immediate presence by the radioactive iodine. How could that have been only a few months before, when it seemed a lifetime ago? Still, once I was settled in the armchair, she kissed me deeply. "You have no idea how much I've missed that," she sighed. Part of me wanted to just stay like that. The two of us sharing an armchair in our living room, limbs intertwined. Because in that moment, I could pretend things were normal. Like nothing had changed. But my stomach growled again and so Karlie pushed herself up to go into the kitchen. Hungry though I was, it was hard for me to eat much, so she just made me some scrambled eggs with cheese and some toast, but she brought the plate and then sat with me while I ate. When I'd finished, I started to get sleepy, and the next thing I knew I was waking up under a blanket on the couch, with Meredith sleeping on the sofa back above me and Olivia curled up in the hollow under my legs.

The woman on the elevator might not have looked exactly the same as on our wedding day, couture lace gown and elegant up-do replaced with mismatched pajamas, fleece beanie and pink camo slippers, but she was just as beautiful. She looked too thin, too pale, and too tired, but she smiled at me, parting rosy lips to reveal perfect white teeth and none of that mattered. Meeting her lips with mine still felt the same as it had when we were young and unsure where we were going, but sure it was right. It still made the same blessed butterflies take flight in my stomach, and made the same warmth spread from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Long slender fingers still tangled in my hair, and she still made the same low moan deep in her throat that I'm still not sure she's aware I can hear. But just eating eggs and toast left her exhausted enough that she fell asleep before I could even clear away the remains. I lifted her gently from her chair to the more comfortable couch and spread her favorite fleece over her. Watching her sleep was much more pleasurable knowing it was a healthy rest.