★★★TOP 50 WATTPAD ROMANCE NOVEL★★★
He's her English teacher and her priest... what happens when they fall hopelessly in love? A sexy, forbidden, true love romance between an American student and a Catholic priest.
[RECAP: Father Gabriel and Leonie ended up kissing passionately in the chapel, and things nearly got out of hand.]
Remorse. It throbbed through Gabriel like a punch in the gut with every heartbeat. The guilt was so heavy he could barely breathe.
His head was trying to deal with a complex mix of emotions. Sorrow and regret for his breach of vows and his duty to his God should have been foremost. But it was not.
Instead, his greatest agony was having hurt and frightened someone who had become dear to him. Someone he liked as well as desired.
Gabriel buried his head in his hands. To hope for Leonie's forgiveness was too much to ask.
Only then did he confront his greatest sin: his violation of his sacred duty. He had thought he would always be strong enough to uphold it. He had committed to it. With all his physical and mental strength and courage he had sought to observe those vows.
And now this.
On top of this he faced another spiritual quandary. Having committed a grave sin he was obliged to seek penance. As a priest, how could he consecrate the Eucharist, administer and receive Holy Communion, without absolution?
Yet he shrank from confessing before Father Stephen. Perhaps he could make an excursion and find another church? Confess instead to some anonymous priest.
He knew it was cowardice and hated himself for it.
He deserved to have Leonie report him to Mother Benedict. By rights he should be sacked and sent on his way. Kicked out of the priesthood.
Yet he sensed she wouldn't do this.
The worst thing of all was that he missed her. He still wanted her. He should be feeling the greatest sorrow for his faith and his conduct. But he felt it for her absence.
Father Stephen noticed that his younger colleague was suffering some crisis of faith. Gabriel was throwing himself into his duties with a unusual zeal. He spent nearly all his spare time in the chapel, working or praying. He no longer laughed but was serious at all hours of the day.
Gabriel had even taken to marking schoolwork in the vestry office rather than at the presbytery. Father Stephen missed his company in the evenings, when he would read while Gabriel worked. Gabriel no longer even watched television: he spent every spare moment in chapel.
It was not unexpected: many priests wrestled with aspects of their religion at any time of life. Just as all believers did. It was only human to doubt and question, before the reaffirmation came.
"You're working very late nights in the office," Father Stephen observed. It was his little joke to refer to the chapel as their office.
"I find it easier to focus there," Gabriel said. His tone was polite but closed. He offered no further explanation nor comment.
Aware that Gabriel did not yet wish to confide in him, Father Stephen discreetly put a few books in his way. They were volumes he had found helpful himself, on spiritual direction, faith and doubt, and the struggle of the clergy. He didn't know if Gabriel read them but they were there if he needed them.
He would have suggested that Gabriel take a break and enter a spiritual retreat for some time, but there were two obstacles here. The first was that the younger man had not confided anything to him, nor asked for leave. The second was Gabriel's teaching work: it would seriously disrupt the students if he took extended time off.
Father Stephen wondered if he should discuss the matter with Mother Benedict but decided against it. If there were any problems with Gabriel in class, the headmistress would be sure to approach him with her concerns. Since she had not, Stephen would continue to give Gabriel time and pray for him.
* * *
Father Gabriel must hate and despise her. She had flung herself at him, tempted him to nearly break his vows, and then she had pushed him away.
There was a name for what she had done and it wasn't a nice one.
What were you thinking? Leonie berated herself. He was a priest. He deserved more respect. He had shown her friendship and she had ruined everything.
She was frustrated with herself for panicking. Because she did want him more than anything. She would have lost her virginity to him, willingly. The pace had just been a little fast, the location insecure. Her mind had been more hesitant than her body.
What was she going to do? Leonie thought of faking sickness for a week just to try and avoid him. But she doubted her ability to pull the wool over Matron's eyes. She had heard enough tales of Matron seeing straight through talcum powder-whitened faces and fake stomach pains to know that it would take more than acting ability to convince her.
She could run away. But to where? It would cause the row of all rows if she showed up at her grandmother's, and totally wreck all her college plans.
The one person she wanted was Gabriel. His kindness and his intelligence. His strength.
And she had lost him forever.
Leonie struggled to hide her mood from the others. Her best "bright face" wasn't enough to hide her turmoil.
"Something's up with you," Mai said.
"Malaise," Leonie told her.
Mai looked at her searchingly. "Do you get depression? Like PMT or something?"
"Sort of. Sorry if I'm being a drag, it will pass soon."
The only time Leonie felt free of it all was during rehearsals, where she flung herself into the role of Abigail like never before. It was the only way she could unleash emotion. Her performance became brilliant but frightening: she seemed to be actually possessed, as Abigail had merely feigned to be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wonder who feels guiltier?
And how long they'll manage to behave for?
They're *already* misbehaving if you're reading this on Radish...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
