Here We Are Now

Chapter 15

Negan's POV:
"I love you." Negan smiled as he wrapped his already strong embrace tighter around Ann's waist. "Is that why you insist on crushing me?" She coughed out. Her movements took on a silly form as she wiggled against his chest and chuckled when he pulled her closer. "No. That's why I insist on doing this." Negan suddenly pulled Ann on top of him. Almost instinctively her arms wrapped around his neck and a smile to her face.

Negan began showering her with kisses all over her face. Causing small laughs to spill on both sides. "Negan!" She laughed as they rolled over. Negan now being on top. The actions continued till the moment calmed. Laying in each other's embrace, a comfortable silence as they looked at each other. "I love you too."

"Always..." Negan lifted his long pinky as she smiled. Wrapping her own pinky around him and she replied. "And forever." The sweet peace of the moment though soon came to a halt as Negan began to tickle Ann's side. Both laughing out of pure happiness.

"Negan?" Dwight snapped me out of my memories and I looked up from my drink. "Don't mind me, continue." I leaned back in my chair as he rambled on about something with Walkers. His words took a backseat when the image of Ann popped into my head. "Dwight," I raised my hand and he halted. "I'm rather tired and this is boring. Leave me alone." Making his way to the door he excused himself. My head falling into my hands soon after he had left.

"I can't!" I quickly replaced the question I had been asking myself since I got back here. All of my work, everything I've done, I can't just say fuck it and leave! Every thing we could ever need, right here. But is it everything they need? That annoying voice I acquired since Ann came back in my life couldn't stop. Safety, survival, order, rules. That's what keeps us alive. That's what they do need! I stood from my chair. Unable to sit down with every thought crammed into my brain.

She can't have you in her life when you lead this place. I paced back and forth. A thought I felt I'd never struggle with. Then again, I never thought I would see Ann again. She can't have you in her life if you are dead either! ! And that's what this is. Letting go of safety.

She saw I was changing. I did too. She was happy, with me. She was giving me another chance. Can't she do that again? Can't we have that again?

My feet moved swiftly against the floor. A quick turn being made every time I reached a wall. Even if she doesn't want me, I could provide for her and the baby. Maybe that's what I need to do instead. Maybe that's better for everyone. "Fuck!" I acted without thinking and now there was a hole in my wall. Blood mixed with old paint chips that decorated my now bleeding knuckles.

"Everything ok?" I turned my head to see Amber with her head poked through my bedroom door.

"I'm fine. Go away." I turned away. Still unable to look at any of my ex mistakes since this whole thing. Every time I looked at them I saw shame. Shame in myself for who I had become.

"You are bleeding." She walked over to me. Her perked up attitude different from the one she normally held. "I said I'm fine!" I retracted my hand from her grasp and walked into my bathroom, turning on the sink. "Stop being such a baby and let me help you." Her voice was chipper as she walked up beside me. I really didn't want to deal with this right now.

"I'll leave you alone if you let me help clean this up." The thought of Amber leaving me alone already, proved too tempting to pass up. "Fine." I muttered. Still thinking of what I should do with Ann.

"That's a nasty nick." My hand was in hers as she held it under the faucet. "Now, all better." She smiled and grabbed some toilet paper to pat the cuts dry.

"But," She began and grabbed my hand, pulling it towards her lips. "I think I know a way to take your mind off the pain." She began to kiss the broken skin. "Get the fuck out! Now!" I yelled. She backed away, seemingly surprised that I had snapped at her like that.

"Sorry, just doing what I thought I was here for." Her words were above a whisper. So many times have I seen her face, but only now can I see her. She actually acts as if she did something wrong. For offering something I used to request rather often. Whatever this look was, it struck me. It stayed with me. Even after I dismissed her from my room.

Afterwards, I grabbed my bat and walked to the main area of the Sanctuary. Making sure to stay out of everyone's sight for once.

I watched them as they went about their actions. I don't know how many times I've looked on these people, stared at them as if I was there God. But i don't just see the Saviors. I see sadness, I see hatred and fear. It all seemed to come at me. My eyes darted to people who looked worse than Walkers. I was ruling this, I made this, I am choosing Ann over this. It wasn't the Sanctuary. it was hell...and I was their devil.

Ugh I know this chapter was stupid but it is a stepping stone so I had to do it. But I hope maybe somehow you guys could like it. Anyways please don't forget to vote and comment or just tell me what you think. Has always have a blessed day Thanks for reading and may God Bless you :)