Mercy

Chapter Ten» Once upon a time

As I sit here on top of the hill that has held so many memories of my life I begin to wonder where time has gone. It seems like it was just yesterday when me and Shawn were little kids running around on this hill above the county playground. We used to come here everyday when we were kids, even when it rained or snowed, we didn't care. We would run around and play tag for hours at a time.

We would go down and play on the monkey bars and sit beside each other on the swings. We would play hide and seek with the other local kids. Shawn and I could run and play without a clue as to what was happening around us. We would beg our mothers for money for the ice cream truck and when they would finally give in, we would race to the big white and pink vehicle.

I remember one time me and Shawn were playing on the see-saw and it was going faster than it should. I was in the air and something happened that made Shawn fall off at the bottom. As soon as he left the seat I flung off from mine too, which was still in the air. I took a hard fall considering I was only five at the time. I was crying because my knees and my elbows were scraped pretty badly and Shawn starting running over to me. I swear he was crying more than I was. When his mom came over there to us she asked him what was wrong with him and he started squawling even more. He told her that he hurt me. He kept saying he was sorry and he thought that I would never forgive him.

Even though we were only five, he cared for me so much. Of course I would forgive him, but he thought I wouldn't. I will always forgive him. No matter what he ever does to me I will always forgive him because I love him. I know he will always forgive me too, at least I hope he would. Just the thought of maybe one day me doing something so bad that he would never ever forgive me brings tears to my eyes.

I'm afraid that if I choose to be with Braxton, Shawn won't forgive me. Would he really do that? I couldn't handle it if he wouldn't forgive me. I literally can't handle the thought of him no longer talking to me or even looking at me. We have been there with each other from the time we were born to now. Every birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, school play, sports games, and even sick days we are always, ALWAYS, there for each other.

The first person I told about my first kiss was Shawn. The first person I told about my first period was Shawn. The first person I told about my first boyfriend was Shawn. He knows every waking detail about me and I know everything about him too. I feel so close to him and feel so real with him. We never hide anything from each other. That's why I told Shawn about Braxton, because we don't hide anything from each other.

He always listens to me and all of my problems. He gives me advice and tells me what to do. When I'm on my period and can't get up because I'm cramping so bad, he comes over, picks me up and carries me to the den downstairs and holds me while we watch movies together. He rubs my hair and makes sure that I'm okay. When I get the stomach bug, he holds my hair back from my face while I lean over the toilet hurling every few seconds. He is there whether I need him or not.

When Shawn told me how he felt about me I didn't know how he could have possibly fallen in love with me, but now I know. All the time we have spent together could have altered his feelings from best friends to what he feels now. The thing that bothers me the most is that I never noticed the change. Out of all the time we have been together, it never hit me that he was acting different or feeling different. I thought I knew him inside and out, yet I didn't know how he truly felt. How could I have been so blind to this? How can I call my self his best friend when I didn't realize how he felt? What do I do now?

I have always felt closer to Shawn and more connected to him than I have with anyone else before in my life. I love him with all of my heart, I honestly do. He said that he is in love with me. He loves me as more than a best friend. But, I love him as a best friend. Right? Don't get me wrong, he is really, really attractive, but it's kind of weird to think of him like that you know? What if we decide to become more than what we are now? Will it ruin our perfect bond?