Mercy

Chapter Eight» Air

**Caroline's POV**

I know that Shawn doesn't have to go to school today because he has a doctor's appointment, so I'm going to pay him a visit. Normally when one of us is out of school the other one lays out with them. He'll think that this is just one of those regular days. I texted Brax to let him know I won't be there today.

I get up and take a shower. After I get out, I put on some skinnies with a Alabama hoodie and my black high top converse. I pull my hair into a loose bun and head for the door. I tell Shawn I'm on the way over.

When I get there, I don't bother knocking because I come here so much they said I don't have to anymore. I walk to the living room, knowing that's where he will be. I join him on the couch.

"Hey gorgeous." He says with a huge smile on his face. If he only knew the real reason I came over here then he wouldn't be this happy.

"Right back at ya" I said with a grin.

We watched a few movies and just hung out like normal for a few hours. I decided to wait a while to bring up Braxton. I guess I've waited long enough, right? Oh well, here it goes....

"So Shawn, I uh I have to ask you about something." I'm a bit nervous so I stuttered.

He said, "Yeah? What is it?"

I don't really know how to start but I guess the beginning will do. "It's about Braxton... Since he moved here you have seemed off. I don't really know why though, I mean he is a really nice guy. You act like you don't want him around. And now, I know I'm not just imagining it because I was told about your conversation with him yesterday." He shifts in his seat and I can tell he is getting upset. "I appreciate you being concerned about us getting close because I know you want to protect me from getting hurt again, but you have to understand that Braxton isn't going to hurt me. Shawn, you know that you're like the brother I never had and I'm grateful to have you in my life, but just don't ruin this for me, okay?"

I notice the hurt look on Shawn's face. I don't know how I hurt him? Everything I said was true. He stands up and starts to walk away. I quickly grab his arm and stop him from going anywhere.

"Caroline, it would be best if you let go of my arm right now." I do as he said and let him go. He turns to face me and lets out a loud sigh. "That's just it. You always say that I'm 'the brother you never had'. What if I don't want to be 'just your brother' Caroline? I get so worked up about Braxton because I see how you look at him and him to you. That is the way I wish you would look at me! I have been here with you from day one, literally, and now Braxton comes in and you act like he has been the one with you all this time." He catches his breath and continues,"I  have always been in love with you, but clearly you don't feel the same."

I cannot believe that my best friend just told me that he was in love with me. This can't happen. We have always been so close and being together would change that. I love Shawn too, but I'm not in love with him. Am I? I can't handle this. I didn't know I was crying until I felt a tear hit my hand.

I feel my feet start to pick up speed. "I-I need some air."

I head to the central park. I find the swings and I pick one to sit in. As all the little kids are running around everywhere, I can't help but think that this use to be how life was. How me and Shawn were. How simple it was.

I sit there and try to process what just happened. It probably wasn't the best thing that I just walked out. Shawn never ran after me though, matter of fact, he hasn't even checked to see if I was alright. It wouldn't have made a difference, I still need time away from him right now.

There has always been something between us, but I'm not exactly sure what it is. I assume it's nothing, as far as relationship wise. I just don't know. I'm so confused now.

I love Shawn more than anything. But, I really like Braxton. I'm afraid of being with Braxton because Shawn literally just said it hurts him to see us getting close so it would definitely kill him if we started dating. I don't want to hurt Shawn, but I don't want to "be" with Shawn either. At least I don't think I do anyway.

**Shawn's POV**

It's been over an hour since she left. I haven't texted or called her to see if she was okay, but should I have? I'm pretty sure I'm the last person she wants to hear from. I don't know why I told her all that. Yeah her and Braxton are getting close and it frustrates me, but I should have told her how I feel before.

Maybe she would have been more understanding. Or maybe even have told me that she shares the same feelings too. But now, with Braxton in the picture, it's obviously not that easy. I didn't really expect her to love me back.

I just thought that she felt the same thing I did. The connection that we have. All the things we "joke" around about isn't joking for me. When I say "Hey gorgeous", I mean it. When I call her babe, I mean it. When I say "I love you", I mean it. I just don't think it's the same for her.

And I'll probably never find out because I freaked her out and she never wants to see me again. Just then my phone beeps. I can't believe my eyes. I could cry. In fact, I already have  been.

Caroline:  Hey Shawn... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for running out like that I just literally couldn't breathe. I needed time to be alone and just think. What you said really took me by surprise. I'm sorry that it hurts you to see me and Braxton getting close, but I like him Shawn. I don't want to hurt you. That's the last thing I want to do. But I don't want to hurt him either. I've thought about what you said. Why didn't you tell me how you felt before?

I feel more tears coming down my cheeks. I noticed that she didn't put our signature thingy at the end. Did I just screw everything up?

Me:  I don't blame you for running. If I was you I would run from me too.Don't worry about hurting me, just do what makes you happy. That's all I want is for you to be happy Caroline. I'm sorry I had to tell you like that, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. I never said anything because I was too scared about what you would think and what it would do to our friendship. I didn't want to freak you out, which clearly I did anyways.

She replied a few minutes later. I thought she would ignore it.

Caroline:  I wasn't running because it was you. I ran because it was me. If doing what makes me happy, hurts you then I would rather not do it. You didn't freak me out. I just never realized that's how you felt. If you would have told me sooner, maybe things wouldn't be so complicated... I love you, Shawn. I really do. I'm just not sure if I want to risk our friendship. I'm sorry.

Me:   Please don't put your life on hold because of me. I know I should have told you sooner but now since you have Braxton it made it harder. I'm not asking you to choose between us two. Just be careful with him because you haven't known him for that long. Promise me, Caroline, that you'll be careful. I love you too much to watch your heart get broken again.

Me:  But, I'll be here to put it back together.

Caroline:  You're right, him being here does make it harder. I don't want to have to choose. You know that I would pick you over anyone, Shawn. We've always been inseparable and nothing will change that. I promise I'll be careful. Thank you for understanding. That's one of the reasons why I love you. See you tomorrow, yeah?

Me:  Yeah

Caroline:  I love you Shawn

Me:  I love you too