Don't Touch Me [ryden]

(10) Vulnerable

By the end of practice Ryan lazily fell back on the benches, he was so tired and sweaty as he chugged from his water bottle. It wasn't long enough when he realized he was on a bench and even if he was exhausted enough, it still was dirty, and so was he. Sweat and dust covered Ryan and it sort of dried up like cement on him and it was disgusting, he didn't mind when he played. He loves baseball, just not the rest of the shit that comes along with it.

With the small amount of strength and energy he had left he pushed himself up from the seat and left along with his team mates. On his way to the dorms a shower was the first thing that came into Ryan's mind, that was until he opened his door and saw a crying Brendon, curled up with his arms around his legs that were pressed up against his chest. He was sobbing silently in the corner of their room. His phone resting above his ear as he continued let out chocked sobs that he tried to hold in as silently as he could. Hearing the door creak open, Brendon quickly snapped his head towards the sound.

"Dallon?"

Ryan's eyes opened at the sight of Brendon, mentally wishing he hadn't gone straight to his room. "Um no, it's Ryan" he manages to say without a stutter considering Ryan felt really awkward, and clueless, and incredibly dirty and gross. He put his bag down and quickly dispersed his items neatly arranging them and taking out the extra clothes he never got to use reminding himself to wash them. Even if he never got to wore them, they were dirty because they were in his bag with his other stuff and there was no way he was wearing them without washing.

"Oh, I'm sorry I let myself in. I was waiting for Dallon."

Ryan felt really awkward having a crying boy in his room, but he wasn't Brendon's friend, and it wasn't his problem. He grabbed a fresh new towel and his stuff to go to the showers looking at Brendon for the last time who was still sobbing on the floor before closing the door on his way out.

His slippers sounded weird against the damp tile floors as Ryan walked to the showers. He was incredibly happy seeing there wasn't anyone else in the showers at this time. It was 5 o clock already and he figured no one really showered at this hour besides him, not even his baseball mates, he didn't even want to think about why they don't shower after practice. It was gross bathing in your own germs and not cleaning them off.

He started stripping off and hung his towel before letting the water run through his whole body. It wasn't even warm, it wasn't freezing cold either but it was tolerable enough. Ryan shivered and his voice echoed through the empty shower room, running his hands through his hair taking all the sand and dirt with it and letting it flow with the water down the drain. He shampooed, washed with soap twice, just to make sure, rubbing his skin until it was red and rinsed. Ryan dried off immediately, wrapping his towel around his waist after drying his hair and went to brush his teeth twice, then gargled. After patting his mouth dry, he headed back to his room, surprised to see there wasn't a crying Brendon anymore. Ryan looked behind the door and under Dallon's bed, just to make sure. "Huh" he shrugs before locking the door to change.

Ryan sunk in his bed and got under his covers, looking straight at the ceiling before closing his eyes. It was silent, and he was clean. There was nothing he would ever want more than this, for the first time there wasn't any talking. Which made him wonder where his giraffe of a roommate was. It was unusual for Dallon not to be in their room considering he didn't really do much besides sleeping and being in front of his laptop. Then his mind drifted back to Brendon, and wondered why he might be crying.

No

Just go to sleep Ryan

Which meant tossing and turning in his bed for the past hour and his eyes were getting tired. Ryan was frustrated, all he wanted to do was sleep while he had the chance, an empty dorm room with no dirty loud boys around was a one in a lifetime but he couldn't manage, and it was the guilt coursing over his brain. "God fucking dammit"

He pushed the covers away from his body as he sat on from his bed, and then neatly made it again. He would never leave his bed unmade even if he was just coming back in a few. He wore his slippers before opening the door and heading to the door that was right in front of his own room and knocked awkwardly resulting in unsure 2 and a half second knock, which made him huff and redid the knock properly this time. He didn't like inconsistency.

"It's open" he heard a groggy voice from the inside so he let himself in the dark room that reeked of the stench of what seems to be smelly feet and a bunch of food. Ryan grimaced as he eyed the room and it was a mess, he felt like he was going to pass out any moment but remembers why he was there in the first place. "Brendon, are you alive?" Ryan says in a nasal voice since he was trying to hold his breath, but because he was running out of air he breathes through his mouth, which was grosser now that he thinks about it.

"Yeah I'm here"

"Yeah, can we just like--head to my room for a minute?" He quickly says hoping Brendon would move faster and he basically runs out the door to inhale. "Oh thank god"

He opens the door for the both of them and Brendon wonders why, but he was upset enough and he wasn't even alive enough to talk like he always does. He sits on Dallon's bed before wiping his eyes with his sweater. Ryan cringes while he sees this, and notices a hole in Brendon's sweater where he inserted his thumb and he wonders why, probably so his sleeves would stay down.

Brendon looks up to Ryan and the older boy averts his eyes somewhere else and feels jumpy all of a sudden. "I just wanted to apologize, also I wondered what's wrong so I thought I'd come by to talk to you."

"It's alright. I was just having a moment, you know, taking a breather. Dallon wasn't here and I'm sorry for bothering you, so I let myself out"

This really wasn't helping Ryan's guilt right now, and he unknowingly scratched his knees and bit his tongue unsure of what to say, Ryan wasn't used to people, but there wasn't any other way to relieve his guilt, as selfish as that sounded.

"Brendon I know I'm no Dallon, and I don't know you. I'm not even sure what to say or do to make you feel better."

"That's alright, you're not obligated to"

"Oh, well okay"

"Yeah"

Ryan looks at Brendon again and notices him with his head down and his bangs covering his face. He props his head a little bit down to peek at the younger boy's face and sees him biting on his lip and Ryan finds himself replicating the same gesture as the boy sitting on his roommate's bed just across him. Ryan sure didn't feel any better at all, in fact it was so much worse. He didn't want to ask Brendon much further and he gets it, Brendon might be talkative but they weren't close enough to talk about each other's businesses, at least that's what Ryan thought. He looks out the window and sighs noticing it was already dark out, he checked his wrist watch that was on top of his side table and it was 9:30, he suddenly remembers something and his head perks up to the other boy before he speaks up.

"Hey Brendon"

"Yeah"

"I don't know if you like parties but I was invited to one at the barrel tonight, you think that would help you get your mind off things? Ya know, make you feel better?"