Don't Touch Me [ryden]

(19) Admit

Double update to make up for the last chapter, hope you like it.

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Its been a week since Ryan and Brendon have seen each other. Brendon did everything he could, even tried waiting at the door in every single one of Ryan's classes, but Ryan stuck with ignoring his existence. It was all going in favor to Ryan's plan until a sunny Saturday afternoon that Ryan spent napping. He wakes up to someone's voice, and his eyes flutter open as his vision slowly clears up. In front of Ryan was Brendon lying on Dallon's bed with the lower half of his body perched on Dallon's headboard and Ryan's acoustic and worn out guitar resting on Brendon's stomach. Brendon's wrist lazily strummed on the strings and his voice vibrated through the walls of the room that it sounded so beautiful and angelic as it rang through Ryan's ear. He almost forgot to bother about Brendon touching his stuff, especially his guitar, but it didn't matter at this point. He completely didn't mind now that he heard how beautiful Brendon sounded. He missed it.

"So for once in my life, let me get what I want, hmmm" Brendon sang and hummed the rest of the lines ever so soft and careful not to wake Ryan up, which he already was from his 2 hour nap.

Ryan closed his eyes again, pretending to sleep when he saw Brendon's head dart to his direction. However he waited a couple of seconds to slowly open his eyelids a little just to get a peek of the singing boy in front of him. Here he goes again. Ryan thinks, and it was just impossible to dislike Brendon at this point, it was like he was trying to make Ryan like him more and more on purpose. All of a sudden his strumming stopped and Ryan mentally groaned, closing his eyes shut this time.

"I can see you staring Ryan, I know you're awake"

"If I told you I was awake then you'd stop singing. Keep going." Ryan says, holding back a smile, it almost sounded like a plea. Brendon laughs, and damn, it sent Ryan's head spinning again.

"You know The Smiths?"

"Are you fucking kidding me I love them Brendon, now keep singing." He says snuggling back to his duvet and turning his back on Brendon to hide the huge smile that was itching to form on Ryan's face.

"Ry"

"Yeah"

"Did I do something wrong?" Brendon asks, his voice is small but Ryan hears the bed creak and he felt Brendon moving closer to where he was. Brendon's breath was becoming more and more audible to him and the boy slowly moved towards him and Ryan's heart starts beating faster.

"What do you mean? No Bren." He answers still with his back facing Brendon.

"I don't know, you just took off all of a sudden and, I d-don't know I felt like you were mad and I'm not sure if it was something I did. I just wanted to make sure we're okay because I care about you Ryan."

"So there's a 'we' now?" Ryan says with a stern voice as he rolls of his bed and decides to walk around his room when he felt Brendon was getting closer and closer.

"No. I mean, yeah if you want to. I'm not even sure myself Ryan. All I know is you seem so, just so--"

"stupid"

"--great, Ryan, I think you're amazing."

"Stop it Bren, you don't even know me okay? We just met, you can't just say stuff like that to me because I don't know what it means" Ryan tells Brendon and gathers up all his courage to face the younger boy. As if every word that came out of his mouth didn't feel like acid burning his throat. He doesn't get why Brendon doesn't understand. In reality he just didn't want to tell Brendon. He didn't want to be humiliated because there was nothing between both of them, he can't just assume there was something going on between them and admitting that was his biggest fear.

"I'm not getting it"

"Of course you don't! Just, ugh god. You know what? Just forget it."

"Ryan no, please. I wanna know." Brendon tells him yanking Ryan's hand and clasping them together with his own shaking fingers. "No, don't touch me!" Ryan tries to free his hand but Brendon held on to him. His other hand tilted Ryan's face so it was in front of him. Ryan's eyes drifts away to avoid his gaze but Brendon's touch became more and more gentle, like he was sorry.

He looks at Ryan one last time and gently caresses his face, he sees Ryan's eyes starting to tear up but he manages to make him look into his own eyes. Now their heads were so close to each other Ryan could practically feel Brendon's breath on his face and without notice tears fell and Brendon grazed his thumb on the boy's cheek to wipe it away.

"Please Ry, I know you're confused and fuck so am I but I know I want this. Do you?" Brendon says resting his forehead against Ryan's. Ryan was already a sobbing mess, he's never had anyone so close to him before. Their noses were almost touching and he was disgusted, but as he melts into Brendon's gaze once again and stares at his pink plump lips. He breathes and nods at him.

Brendon smiles at this and so does Ryan, their hearts beating in sync, neither of them aware of what was about to come but it was like a huge chip off of their shoulders.

"But what if we get hurt?" Ryan whispers and Brendon's hands slide down Ryan's face to his hands and now they were entwined.

"Please Ryan for once, don't think about it too much. Stop trying to plan it, you can't control everything. If we get hurt, then we get hurt. You don't have to be so goddamn strong all the time alright? Just let me in, please don't push me away."

Ryan looks straight into Brendon's eyes. He was just too weak, he couldn't refuse all the feelings bubbling inside of him. He missed everything about Brendon. "Okay" he says burying his face on Brendon's shoulder before wiping his face and laughing.

"You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now."

Brendon admits and Ryan smacks his head with a nasally sounding laugh from all his crying. "Ow. Too soon?" Brendon laughs, rubbing the back of his head.