Unrequited

Chapter 30: Epilogue

Four Months Later

With his perfect posture and jaw slack, Elliot's face is the picture of serenity.  As the open road surrounds them, Olivia lays back watching him while the corners of her lips curl up effortlessly.  In this moment, Olivia sees no remnants of the hard edges and tough ridges of their past.  No murders, rapes, abuse or darkness.  The low hum of the engine is drowned out by the sounds of their sons in the backseat making idle conversation.  The memories of the stories she confessed to him a few weeks ago after he returned from work are a distant thought. Lowell Harris, William Lewis, and those that cast a shadow over their lives are, for this brief instance of time, non-existent.  Instead, there's just the perfect breeze that blows through the crack in her window as the strands of her hair take flight. There's an air of excited tension surrounding her and she tries to swallow it back. No matter what happens....today would be perfect.
Watching him now, she can't believe how far they've come.  Through the last few years, most of her relationships have come after tragedy. Noah after Lewis, Cassidy after she thought she almost lost Cragen and Tucker after Utley.  It was during one of their discussions late one night that Elliot realized that his relationships were similar.  His son was conceived after a tough case, he asked to go back home after almost being indicted for killing a perp and kissed Dani after Olivia left him. But with the two of them this time around it was different.  They came together during a time when they weren't searching for something or grieving a loss, but just living in their truth.
"Be careful Noah," Eli gently scolds from the back seat.  Elliot glances at them in the rearview mirror while she turns around, peeking her head between the front seats.  Noah puts on his best innocent face, highlighted by his red and blue striped shirt, but she knows that he's up to no good.
"Guys, we are almost there," Elliot calls out, his eyes going back and forth from the mirror to the road.  "Just hold on okay?"
Noah shakes his water bottle, attempting to take the top off.  "Lucky's thirsty." Eli holds his hand over the bottle to stop him.
Olivia gently takes the bottle away from him and replaces it with a toy.  "He will be just fine for another thirty minutes, ok?" 
Noah mulls it over for a second before reluctantly giving in.  "Okayyyyy."
Olivia shakes her head and begins to type on her phone.
Elliot looks at her briefly, smirking.  "Go ahead and say it Liv.  I know you're dying to."
"I told you so. I told you so.  I can't believe you bought them a dog." 
The 9 pound yorkie that she's pretty sure isn't even a kid friendly dog but works well with Noah's allergies gives her his best cute face as if he knows she's still on the fence about his existence.
Adjusting the mirror to make sure he can keep a better eye on the boys, Elliot turns down the radio completely.  "I've always kinda wanted a dog.  I just never had the time and now I do."
His next assignment is not for another couple of months and even that one he made sure wouldn't last longer than a month. While he is away he promised her the dog would stay at Kathy's, but due to Noah's attachment she's pretty sure somehow he would end up at her apartment. 
It was a random Saturday afternoon shortly after he returned from Denver when he surprised her and the kids by taking them to a pet store.  He maintains that it's something that he's wanted but she knows it's because Noah hasn't stopped throwing hints about "doggies" and Eli was pretty excited the first time the topic came up at the dinner table.
"Dad, can we take him for a walk when we get there?" Eli asks still excited about even the most mundane tasks with the pup. 
"Of course.  You will have to since it's been a long ride."
"Yessss," Noah cheers petting Lucky's paw.
There is an amiable silence and she leans her head back on the seat taking deep breaths.  She can do this. 
Elliot's hand covers hers on her lap, giving her a comforting squeeze.  He doesn't say anything but he knows she's a little anxious.  She changed clothes at least a dozen times last night while at his place, determined to wear the perfect dress.  She forgot her mom's earrings at home and it was too much trouble to go back and get them once they were on the road.  For some reason she feels like she needs them with her today.
The situation also set up the perfect opportunity earlier for him to throw a not so subtle hint at moving in together.
"You know if all of your stuff was here we wouldn't have this problem."  She had smiled and remained quiet.  It wasn't the first time he made a similar comment but thankfully he's not rushing her, just letting her know what he wants. The thought has crossed her mind more often than she's willing to admit, but her mind is always on Noah.  Her apartment is the only home he's ever known. Maybe she's being overprotective or thinking about it too much but...she's just being a mom.
"It's going to be fine," he says in response to her constant fidgeting.  She smooths out the bottom half of the purple dress she wears.  Slightly flaring at the waist, falling a little past the knees, she thought it was perfect for the occasion but now she feels like maybe she's overdressed.
"And you look fine.  You look beautiful."
Rolling her eyes, she squeezes his hand in return to try and assure him it's all okay and immediately scolds herself for letting her nervousness be so damn obvious.  Today is a big day for him as well.  He's calm and playful but deep down she knows he's a little worried.
It's been awhile since he's seen his sister and even though she's feeling better and the doctors are optimistic that she will make a full recovery, he's still concerned.
Placing her hand on his neck, she massages back and forth along his nape. Elliot lets out a deep sigh, relaxing into her touch. "She's going to be fine, El.  She can't wait to see you."
She's rewarded with a shy grin and he takes her hand from his neck and kisses inside her palm.  "Oh I don't think it's me she's looking forward to seeing."
The sly comment picks at the nerves that she's been trying unsuccessfully to hide all morning.  It was an important day for so many reasons. Not just because it is the first time he will be seeing his sister and a lot of his family for awhile but because it is the first time she is meeting them as well. 
"Thanks for reminding me."
Elliot slaps her thigh playfully before turning serious. "Don't stress.  They are going to love you."
Eyebrow cocked, she gives him a disbelieving look. "Yeah, like you would tell me any different."
"Seriously. They already think you are a saint for putting up with me for as long as you have.  I'm sure my mother has a little to do with that as well."
"Well it's a tough job but someone's gotta do it."
Family has been on their mind moreso lately than ever. It started one night while Elliot was away. She had shown Noah a picture of her mother and told him one of the few happy memories of her childhood that she could remember.  She made a copy of the picture that was on her desk and put it in Noah's room and was thrilled one night when he pointed to it and called her "Ga'ma."  When Elliot returned from Denver, they went together to see her mom's grave.  It seemed a bit morbid at first but oddly necessary. In all the years they were partners, he hadn't been there and it was something that she wanted to share with him. 
They pass a sign that says Milford is only five miles away and she begins to check her makeup and the boys to make sure they haven't wasted anything.  Fortunately enough, Lucky is being well behaved and by the time they pull into Julia's neighborhood, full of cookie cutter family homes, kids on bikes and white picket fences, she's calmed down.
There are cars spread from the driveway out to the street and she curses the fact that there are more people here than she thought, but she's equally thankful that Kathy agreed to skip this family gathering. There had been more conversations between the two of them once Elliot left town.  They would never be the best of friends but she was thankful there was a relationship there and that she was kind of enough to sit this one out.  Meeting his entire family was one thing, but meeting them under the scrutiny of his ex-wife would've made her more uncomfortable.
The boys get out of the car, Lucky darting out of his kennel with Eli holding steadfast to his leash while he went to relieve himself. Noah goes to run after him but not before Olivia holds onto him and fixes his clothes.  "Ok lets tuck your shirt back in."
"Liv." Elliot holds her arm while Noah makes a quick getaway.  "It's a barbecue and Julia and Tom have a lot of land. He's going to be running around and playing, that shirt won't stay tucked."
Olivia laughs at herself feeling foolish. "You're right."
"Of course I am," he agrees pulling her against him as they lean against the car. "And don't mess with your hair or makeup or dress or anything else. You look beautiful.  Ok?"  He holds her chin in his hand and kisses her sweetly on the nose. 
Her arms encircle his neck as she holds her forehead to his.  The street is something right out of "Leave it to Beaver," even more family oriented than Elliot's neighborhood in Queens.  "It really is beautiful out here."
"Yes it—"
"Well well well," a woman's voice says on the side of him. Olivia jerks her head toward the sound while Elliot doesn't bother and curses under his breath instead.
"I hope you're ready because here we go," he whispers in her ear about ten seconds before the first Stabler woman is on her.
"Julia she's here!" she yells back towards the house. The woman has short brunette hair, cut into a perfect bob, and Olivia immediately feels she's dressed too formal as she takes in his sister's simple fitted jeans and yellow v-neck shirt that already looks as if a kid or two has wrinkled it a bit.
"You must be Sarah," Olivia says politely reaching out to shake her hand.
"Oh come here." Sarah pulls her into a hug.  "I swear your pictures don't do you justice.  You're absolutely beautiful, I love this dress."
"Pictures?" Elliot asks suspiciously.
"Oh Maur and Katie have sent us a few pics over the years but moreso recently," she winks at her irritated brother. "I don't know how you manage to snag such a looker.  There must be some stuff she doesn't know.  Don't worry, Juju and I plan to fill her in."
"Oh god." He rolls his eyes dramatically and the sibling banter between Elliot and Sarah manages to free her from any remaining nerves.  It's so normal yet she's still mesmerized by little pieces of him everyday.  Olivia peeks across the yard as Eli and Noah chase Lucky around and her son's laughter is music to her ears.
"Finally the guests of honor are here," another voice calls out.  It is weaker than Sarah's but full of love and strength.  Julia wears a bright yellow scarf on her head and a yellow sundress to match.  She's thinner than the two pictures of her she's seen but the light in her eyes is the same.  Elliot walks to meet her before she can round the cars in the driveway.
The hug between them is warm as he holds her so snug that they lightly sway from side to side.  Even though she can't see his eyes, she knows he's probably tearing up.  "It's about time you got your sorry ass out here."  Julia slaps his arm as she pulls away.  Deflecting from the emotional display proves she's definitely Elliot's sister.
She walks toward Olivia with him hot on her heels. "Well this is who I really came to meet." 
"This is Olivia.  Olivia this is Julia," he announces proudly with a hand around his sister's shoulder.
"I know who she is." Julia shoos him out of the way playfully.  "It's great to finally meet you."
Olivia holds her breath as she hugs her.  Despite her thinner appearance, the prominent features that remind her so much of Elliot are still on display. Seeing him sandwiched between his sisters and the adoration they clearly share almost brings tears to her eyes. The look on Elliot's face mirrors what she must've looked like the night she first introduced him to Noah. Two halves of their lives meeting for the first time.
"Elliot, go inside," Sarah pushes him towards the door. "Julia and I want some time with Olivia alone. Mom is looking for you anyway."
Walking a few steps away from his sisters' line of sight, he searches her eyes to make sure she's okay. Their unspoken communication at work, she gives him a reassuring smile and he heads inside.
Nervous, she braces herself to face the Stabler women and is thankful that Bernie isn't a part of this as well.
"When I said thank you for coming earlier I really meant it," Sarah begins. She's much shorter than Olivia due in part to her flat shoes but her fierce presence resonates all the same. "Elliot has kept his distance over the years and I know my parents have a lot to do with that. He always blamed the job but," she shakes her head and looks over at the yard that seems to have added ten more people to it in the few minutes since they've been there. "I know my mom can be a lot and the shadow of mighty Joe Stabler is always looming. He's come around more since he left the unit and got divorced but even then something was....off."
"I talked to him the day after you were shot,"Julia chimes in, squeezing Olivia's hand. "The only time I heard him that beside himself was after Katie got in trouble those years back. I knew before I was supposed to and before his stubborn ass would admit it to himself that he wasn't staying at SVU just to catch the bad guys."
She and Sarah exchange glances, figuring how much to say. "My dad was a son of a bitch that made life difficult more often than not. Especially for Elliot. I don't know why, but that was something that.....," she sighs and blinks away a tear. "I just want you to know. It's always been important for him to do the right thing because he was surrounded by a lot of wrong for a long time. It took him a while to make it right...with Kathy.....everything," she clarifies and Olivia begins to piece together what she's trying to say. His divorce. The years she thought he didn't feel the same way she did. He's told her several times without giving all the details of his past why he held back. Being out here with his family, seeing the shadows looming in his sister's eyes, she understands his behavior a little bit more. Not just the what but the why. 
"I don't mean to make this uncomfortable Olivia," Sarah apologizes, backing up a little bit to give her space physically and emotionally to absorb it all.
"You're not at all," she waves off.
"Yeah, Elliot was right. You aren't a good liar."
The three women laugh in unison and for the first time since she's got there she truly begins to relax.
"That's a handsome boy you got there," Julia says as they walk towards the house to greet everyone and she glances over at Noah running after the dog with Elliot.
"Which one?" They all laugh again.
"Both of them but if you ever tell Elliot I said that I'll kill ya."
Olivia finds herself holding her hand tighter as they get closer to the fence and walk up to the backyard.
"Don't be anxious dear. Elliot's the scariest of us all and you seem to handle him pretty fine."
Over the next hour she hugs, talks and laughs with Elliot's siblings, nieces, nephews and his mom. They tell her stories of him growing up. Some endearing, some embarrassing, all interesting. They ask about her life and work and dote on Noah.
Throughout the day, her eyes shift to her son, who plays with the Stablers as if he's known them forever.  His excited giggles are overheard among the crowd several times during the day as he plays with Lucky. She breathes easy, knowing he's safe, happy and having a good time.
Her phone is left in the car, for today Fin is in charge and she's going to enjoy the day with her son, Elliot and his family.
She will do the same when she and Elliot take their trip to the Dominican Republic in a few weeks.
Day by day she's inching closer to the balance she knows she needs to have. For herself. For her family.
Being here with him she finally realizes that all along his love was anything but unrequited. It had been reciprocated in the only ways he knew how. They both loved in a different way. Not boisterous and loud but quiet, intense and overprotective. He had been exactly what she needed him to be even when she didn't know it.
The longest relationship she'd ever had with a man.
Her protector.
Her partner.
For better or worse.

{end}