Unrequited

Chapter 18

"How many drinks did you have?" Dr. Lindstrom asks, his hands clasped in front of him observing every nuance of her posture.

Olivia exhales, the feeling of guilt and setback overwhelming. "One or two beers."

"That's all?"

She shrugs, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Yeah that's it."

"What else did you do?"

Her first thought was to challenge him on his comment but over their years together she has grown to trust him and his methods. They are going somewhere with this so she resists her natural instinct to fight back and goes along for the ride. "I sat for a little while and people watched. There was a basketball game or something on but I didn't want to watch that so I just...chilled out."

Dr. Lindstrom chuckles and sits back in his oversized brown leather chair. "Chilled out? I don't think I've ever heard you use that term before. That's new."

He's right. She laughs at her interesting choice of words. "I don't know another way to describe it. I just needed a change of scenery. Being at home just reminded me of..."

"It reminded you of the dream."

She nods her head. "I just needed air. So I just played some mindless game on my phone, sipped on a beer and dodged Elliot's phone calls all night."

"Hmm," he appraises her. "Still haven't talked to Elliot?"

"No. I sent him a text letting him know that I was okay because I didn't want him to worry and knew he would. But we haven't talked."

"What did you do when you got home?"

Leaning her head back slightly, she recollects the rest of the events of last night. "I peeked in on Noah, sat in his room for a little bit. That calms me," she explains and he nods his understanding. "Took a long bath, tossed and turned for a bit and then finally went to sleep."

"And that's it?"

"Should there have been more?"

"No no," he quickly reassures her. "But I want you to notice something. You said you had one maybe two beers. You came home and did all the things that relax you. A bath, sitting in your sons room. All things that are perfectly logical and perfectly healthy."

Olivia listens intently. She had been so busy beating herself up she didn't think about it that way. "But the drinking," she counters. "It was the first thing I thought of to do to relax me and clear my head of everything."

Her body language changes, an internal shudder radiating up her spine thinking about the nightmare yesterday.

"It was but that doesn't make you an alcoholic or mean you have a problem. You have a stressful job Olivia. I know people who have a glass of wine everyday and they don't deal with a quarter of what you do. Instead of focusing on that why not look at what you did right? If you would've come home and drank a bottle or two of wine on top of what you drank at the bar then we would be having a different conversation but you didn't. You came home and did what made you comfortable and calmed your mind which is exactly what we have been working on," he explains with a hint of a smile evident in his eyes. "You're doing good Olivia. Much better than you think you are."

Someday she hopes she will be able to stop being hard on herself. She's just not sure when.

"Remember what I said about chasing perfection?"

Olivia's lip curls up in a half smile and she shakes her head, reaching for her buzzing phone.

"Work?"