Unrequited

Chapter 10

The drive back to his apartment was filled with every thought imaginable.

He had kissed her. Again.

He had comforted her. Again.

But she was out with Tucker. Again.

Elliot's head was a mess. Taking the long way home only gave him more time to think, his attempts to distract himself not working at all. Finally, he decided to go to the gym hoping to wear himself out to the point that his brain could rest and he wouldn't keep thinking about what was happening with her and Tucker at that very moment.

Instead he tried to focus on the positive. When she was in trouble it was him that she allowed herself to be vulnerable with. Her mini meltdown in the car, while normal for a parent, especially a single one had concerned him. It wasn't like Olivia to show signs of weakness but if there was anything that could bring you to your knees, it was the love and well being of your child. There was no doubt in his mind that she was a good mother, although he had yet to see her and Noah interact but it pained him to see her doubt herself so much.

Elliot walks away from the weight bench and over to the heavy bag. The gym is pretty much deserted because it's a Friday night and he's grateful for the solitude. As he puts on the gloves and starts to take a few shots, his hits become more and more aggressive. Somehow, his thoughts had quickly turned to Tucker and he's whaling more and more on the bag. Everything he'd said to him over the years. Their arguments, the accusations, the satisfied smirk on his face when he turned in his gun and badge after he threw Olivia in his face. She was his weakness, and Tucker had capitalized on that...... in more ways than one.

"Damn man," Mark, one of the trainers walks in wide eyed. "You got a lot on your mind?"

Elliot chuckles, holding the bag to stop it from swinging. "You have no idea. What are you doing here?" he asks. Breathing heavy, he walks over to the water fountain.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." Mark puts on his gloves and watches Elliot closely. "It's Friday night. Shouldn't you be out or something?"

He and Mark had developed somewhat of a friendship since he left the force and was hitting the gym more and more to blow off steam.

Elliot wipes the sweat off his forehead with a towel, drinking a little more water. "I guess I should be but I'm not really up to it tonight."

"Wanna go a few rounds?" Mark offers bumping his hands together.

"I don't know if you want that tonight man. I have a lot on my mind."

"That's the best time. Let's go old man."

Olivia soaks in her tub, her finger brushing along the rim of her wine glass perched on the edge. Coupled with the hot water and lack of food, the alcohol is seeping quickly into her bloodstream. Exactly the way she needs it to be.

Everything almost seems like an alternate universe. As soon as she gets used to things being one way the rug is pulled from under her. She remembers the exact moment she realized that Ed was possibly a different person than she thought he was. During the trial with Nick's dad when he actually showed some sympathy for his situation and they talked about everything and nothing over drinks at the bar. It had opened her eyes to her new reality that she was now seeing other people as allies and friends that she would've never thought possible.

Cragen was gone, Munch was gone, Nick moved to California. One by one people kept disappearing from her life and she was trying like hell to hold on to some constants.

She picks up the glass taking the last sip of the wine, closing her eyes as it slides down her throat and tears well up in her eyes.

So here she lies. Again.