Utterly Broken

Chapter Eleven

Harry was in heaven.

Or, at least, someplace like it. He couldn't remember how he got here, only that he was hurt. Finally, Merlin, he had ached for this moment for so long. Looking around him, the world was made of colour, dark dark colour. It was almost like the night but there were no stars, and there was more colour. Colour that didn't exist. 

It was silent, but in the good way. "Hello?" Harry asked, half to see if he could talk in this place, half to see if anyone was actually there. His words were sucked silent by the rosy air. This place was beautiful, and Harry had never felt more alive.

Suddenly he was laughing, an out of control, borderline hysterical laugh. Oh, Merlin, freedom. 

He was free! The word repeated over and over in his head until he was shouting it out loud. He was free of that horrible world. Suddenly, "Son?"

Harry turned around sharply, "Mum? Dad?" And there they were, looking just as they had during the war, and so were Sirius and Remus and Fred and Dobby and all the others he had failed. "So I'm dead?"

"Close to it," replied Remus, looking gravely at his former student.

Harry felt like cheering, but instead he nudged his godfather instead, "Are you... serious?"

Sirius looked gravely at him, "Dead. Sirius."

Once again he was laughing, as his mum slapped her husband and his best friend. "Harry, this is a very serious - If you make this a pun I swear to god - situation, you could die."

"Why is that a bad thing? I could be with you!"

Then Fred, cheerful and happy Fred, spoke solemnly, "Someone needs to tell my brother hi for me-."

"Heaven's pretty fun, never imagined I'd end up there to be honest," Sirius interrupted, "But not now, Harry."

"Dobby?" Harry pleaded, he need just one of them to want him to come.

The small elf looked up at Harry, eyes wide and teary, "Dobby needs Master to take care of other Master..."

"But I want to be with all of you!" He'd be with his family, why didn't they see how good this was!? "Sirius, you promised we'd be a family!" Harry pleaded, "And I want to get to know you Mum and Dad!" The redhead had began to cry, and so had her husband.

"Not this way," comforted Sirius, "Not a family this way-"

"Please!" begged Harry, "I don't want to live anymore!"

Suddenly Remus was in front of him, kneeling on the ground as if he was in third year again, "I've felt that way, many many times, but know, you can get through it. It will be hard, I'm not going to lie, but it's possible," Harry had began to cry, "But you need to do this, for your friends, for you." Remus indicated to everyone behind him, "And we -" he paused as if over taken by effort, "Will be here to support you."

"We'll always be here," James came over and laid a hand on Harry's shoulder, and his wife followed, kissing her son on the cheek, "Until the very end."

"You can do it, mate," Fred chimed in, "And tell my brother that I love him, and he better keep that jokeshop running or I'll haunt his ass!" 

"Dobby wishes for you to go back."

"We can be a proper family when it's your proper time."

"Just think happy memories, just like I taught you."

"We love you, son."

Harry screamed. He wished this was a book or movie so bad, because in a book or movie he'd be so happy by all their blessings he'd pop back onto Earth and be happy and kiss Draco or something. But this wasn't a book or a movie because all he wanted to do was to go with them, to fucking die already. "I can't do it! And you 'believing' in me isn't going to do fucking anything!" His mother brushed her hand through his hair, in a soothing motion he remembered slightly from his childhood, "I have nothing there for me! Just emptiness and nothing."