Zeb:
"Ezra it's bed time. You need to get to sleep."
"I tried that the other day. It didn't work." Ezra grumbles back.
"That was then this is now. Get some sleep." I tell him.
"As soon as Ahsoka returns and Kanan can see again." He retorts "or as soon as I stop seeing & hearing Maul every time I close my eyes." He adds.
"Ahsoka's dead, Kanan will heal & get most of his sight back, and nothing else that happened was your fault stop blaming yourself." I tell him.
"I can't, if it wasn't for me Yoda never would have told us to go there. We never would have been there & Ashoka would still be here. If I hadn't trusted Maul Kanan would still be able to see. Zeb, every time I close my eyes I go back there. I don't even want to know what happens if I sleep. I might relive it all." He explains.
"Fine, see if I care. Stay up all night. Just don't deserve me" I tell him.
"I won't."
Ezra:
I just laid in bed all night trying not to let myself fall asleep. "I can't go back!" I keep whispering to myself to keep myself awake. I put on my cadet helmet and play some music while flipping through holoimages of other more happier planet. I avoid any red planets. After what seems like infinity it's morning again. I stay in bed with my head covered until Zeb leaves.
"Ezra you have been in there for days and you aren't even sleeping. You need to come out or get some sleep." Hera tells me.
"Fine I'll get up." I said. I came out for breakfast lunch and dinner every day. Only because I had to. I really don't want or deserves to even live.
"Good, you are not allowed back in here unless it's to sleep. That's it. Time you stop moping and do something." Hera tells me.
I don't talk to anyone all day. I just do my chores until lunch.
"Ezra, you need to eat. I've told you several times. We've all suffered enough losses. I don't want to lose you too." Kanan begs me sensing that I'm not eating again. "When was the last time you sleep?"
"Kanan he hasn't sleep since y'all got back." Zeb informs him.
"Ezra that's not healthy. Your body is going to force you to get some. Clearly your exhausted. Get some sleep." Sabine tells me.
"I can't." I tell them.
As we sit through a debriefing with commander Sato I have to fight to keep myself awake. I don't remember leaving the debriefing.
Hera:
"Ezra!" I yell as the teen collapses onto the holotable. Kanan some how is instantly there to catch his Padawan as he falls. We all run over to the two of them.
"He's out cold, but otherwise unharmed." Kanan informs us. "At least as far as I can sense."
"He doesn't have any apart injuries." Sabine says examining him. "I think he's just so exhausted from not getting any sleep lately."
"I'll have the med droid run some tests." Sato offers.
"Thanks Commander, that will be extremely helpful. I think we can take it from here." I respond.
Kanan reluctantly hands Ezra over to Zeb. "Carrying him blind could make matters worse."
Zeb carries the teen to the medbay and lays him on the bed. The droid already informed remotely by the commander begins running test.
"His vitals are good. Everything seems fine. How many rotations has he been having trouble sleeping?" The med droid ask.
"Seven? I think it's hard to tell." Kanan says.
"Nine, Boss the two of you returned nine rotations ago Boss." Zeb corrects him.
"Has it already been nine?" I ask. It seems like only yesterday that everything changed.
"So he hasn't been sleeping since returning from a trip? Please inform me on the events of this trip." The droid requested. "Anyone not involved in it may leave."
"I don't think that is the best idea. Sabine, you and Zeb will return to the Ghost. I'll stay here with Kanan, Chopper, and Ezra. Someone has to make sure Chop doesn't run Kanan into a wall or something." I suggest.
"That might be best." Kanan insist not wanting to argue.
Kanan and Chopper recount every detail about the events of Malachor. I'm horrified by the story. How could this all have happened in the short time they were there. Even though the rest of my crew, no my family hadn't gone we had all been affected by it. Kanan and Ezra where by far the worst. We had thought Kanan was worse then Ezra. Now as the light begins to shine more on the events I learn that Ezra was the one most traumatized.
"This child has been thought a lot. I think he'll be fine physically after sleeping a full rotation. However I can not speak for his mental health" the med droid says. "The events he's been though may scare him for life."
"They already have." Kanan says painfully. He picks up the teen and carries him. I guide the two of them back to the Ghost. Ezra still asleep in Kanan's arms. The trip all the way to Ezra's bunk is silent. None of us saying a word. Once Kanan lays the boy down he finally speaks. "Ezra I promise you, I'll destroy Maul for doing this to you."
"Kanan, how do you know what Ezra's mental state is?" I ask.
"I felt him open the Sith Halocron we brought back. Hera, Ezra fell to the darkside. I failed him. He trusted Maul & even though I warned him he instead Maul was on our side. Despite both Ashoka and my better judgement we went along with it. Then Maul betrayed him by blinding me. Maul had sent Ezra ahead in order to make sure he didn't even see it. I still beat him but he's still alive. Maul had actually sent Ezra to face Vader alone. If I hadn't sent Ashoka after Ezra... We could have lost him instead of her. Ezra blames himself for everything. I blame Maul."
"We almost lost Ezra?"
"No, we did loss Ezra. This is all that's left of him, a shell of the kid we knew filled with broken pieces of a shattered soul. That is what I blame myself for. Letting that happen to him."
I can't hold back my tears anymore. As Kanan and I leave the room I'm in full on tears. "Will we ever get our boy back?" I cry. Sabine and Zeb look up at the two of us.
"Is Ezra going to be ok?" Sabine ask.
"I'm not sure." Kanan answers everyone. "Only the Force knows."
No one says anything else for the rest of the day. Zeb only goes into Ezra's and his cabin to sleep for the night and is careful not to disturb the sleeping teen. No one else disturbs Ezra until the next morning, when Chopper decides to try to get things back to normal.
