I felt exhausted, confused, pissed, and a shit-load of oh craps going on in my head. It felt as if I had found an evil genie in my waterbottle just to wake it up by looking at it, allowing it to consume my already weakened mind. Swirls mistifying alongside the plastic. Swirl left, twist right, kick off, bounce back. Repeat. Darkening but at the same time blinding. So freaking annoyingly bright.
It's been 2 hours since I left the gang to sit on the bench at the edge of the oaky bridge. Alone.
You never realize how much of the world you miss when your always always on the run. When your constantly moving from one place trying to adjust when all of a sudden bop-popping the p.......time to move on.
And just now looking at the almost dry river bed, the mossy rocks that if you went for a swim you might just hurt your self on the ragged edges, yet they look so smooth and so innocent. Nothing is as innocent until you step in or on it, in this case, of course after you gather your courage to accept the duel and fight against the intimidating currents.
Further on the horizon you can see where it almost seems that if you went further you would fall off the ends of the Earth. You could see where the trees almost meet, blocking you from seeing the horrors of the world once you fall off into a nose-dive.
You know, like in movies and books, when they say once your too far gone or too high up you can see the tiny people and feel as if you rule the world, when in reality, your lonely up in the sky or far in the field. To high up for anyone to notice you. To far gone for anyone to catch you.
Like a prince charming will solve your problems and ask if you you are alright. And your stuttering answer is yes quite alright now thank you, in a British accent that we both know you don't have. It was just then you decided to make a fool of your self and trip over your newly fashioned corseted dress. When also in reality you loathe dresses. Well maybe I do, not you. So stylishly in the way of your foots walk - way.
Even thinking about life in a deep perspective makes me frustrated. Why can't ugly things be easily decipher-able? Why can beauty be shown, with beauty and it's hard to find faults, until it's to late? Its makes me want to almost hate the world with all its faults. Within every single ounce of beauty of the world are ugly scars that allow evil beings to lurk and dwell, ready to pop out.
Ha this deep meaningless stuff reminds me of the song Control-by Halsey. Don't ask me why. I guess nature controls us. Food Controls us. Water. Animals. Parents. Life control us. Our will to survive controls us.
If I were to have a conversation with Mother Nature, she will definetly know of all my issues with this forsaken world. I'm sure she already would know by now if she could read. Ugh, she hates me now, sending chills to torture me for insulting her and her lovely work. It's already cold enough when I have yet to change out of this gown. It's ridiculous. And cold.
Standing up, and deciding to go back. But I didn't go back. I walked further on the bridge. Not going up or down the street. Nope. Walking sideways to the ledge. The beautiful and dirty railing pushed against my waist as I leaned over to peer down. No fish. This river contains no life forms. Not any that are visible.
I sighed, looking further down where I assumed if I walked over to the other side of the railing then I would surely see the exact same spot I'm peering at now. But in the moment I didn't want my slippers to disrupt the silence. All quiet. Peace.
I didn't quite understand why in Tim O'Brien's book The Things They carried, a man who went AWOL and shacked up with a nurse in Danang was hot headed in combat when he went back to his unit in the bush. I remember reading what Tim wrote explaining what the the man said. "All that peace, man, it felt so good it hurt. I want to hurt it back." (O'Brien). Until now. I didn't understand. I didn't have the chance to. Until now.
It's so quiet. The only sounds mother nature provided today, consists of nothing. No birds. I'm too far high up. Can't see the existent fish. I can't hear the rushing of water. The clear image of the trees and river and bridge and my feet , blurred. I wasn't dizzy. I wasn't tired or sick. I was giddy. Too giddy. I wanted to cry. I was so giddy, I felt light. Too light. Too empty.
It's a sad world.
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This is definetly a filler.... lol
I still hope you liked it.
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Scarpio: Abduction Going Down
Fiksi RemajaCallie is living a dangerous life, one full of secrets, and she is finally on her on no protection from her Mommy nor Daddy. She is in search of the Scarpio, a necklace of curses. It was always with her mother, until the day someone stole it and lef...
