You don't own me

Part 1

You hiked the black lace-stockings over your knee and secured them with the strap. You eyed yourself in the mirror.

"This is beautiful! I gotta buy it!", you annouced overly happy. The saleswoman nodded eagerly with a pleasent smile spread over her face.

"You look fabulous, darling! Do you want me to box it for you or will you just keep it on?"

"As much as I would love to wear it right now, I can't. Please pack it in for me." She nodded and left. You turned back to the mirror. It looked like it was tailored just for you like it was hugging your curves perfectly and underlining your feminine charms. You loved lingerie. It made you feel powerful. And you sure as hell needed that power because to work as an escort wasn't always easy...

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"Do you think I am a bad person?", you looked at your hands how they were folded in your lap. They felt strange. Foreign.

You noticed the wince in her face. She wrote something down before answering. "Is this how you feel?", she had picked her words carefully.

You shrugged your shoulders.

"Miss Y/L/N you know this..", her soft tone indicated you the way she wanted to go.

"No. Okay. Cut that. I will leave right away when your next words are going to be "this wasn't my fault". What would you say when I told you that I loved him. And I still do. Is this changing your view on me?", you spat.

She looked dumbfounded. "Umm actually this...well..considering what kind of situation you were in...umm..", she beated around the bush.

You rolled your eyes. "Good day, Dr. Park." You left like that.

"Miss Y/L/N!", she called after you. Like you cared.

As you stepped outside a fresh breeze brushed you. You inhaled deeply. Remember Y/N.

First sign of being alive: Breathing.

You inhaled again. Focused how the air filled your lungs and raised your chest. Then an awful pain struck through your head. A picture of you lying on top of his chest, sensing even this steady pace of inhaling and exhaling, appeared in front of your eyes. It calmed you. It always did.

Second sign of being alive: Feeling.

You cupped your cheeks while letting out a deep sigh. Then you allowed your hands to brush over your lips, further down your throat to your neck. You pressed down into the spot were your neck and shoulders connected. Another memory shot into your mind. The way two hands were pressing down into that exact same spot. With just the right amount of pressure. But these weren't your hands. Lips ghosted over your neck to your ear whispering sweet nothings.

It felt so real. The sensation made you dizzy.

Third sign of being alive: Moving.

You closed your eyes and began to spin yourself. You could imagine him. It felt like your hands were intertwined with his. The warmth he was radiating was enough to let you forget about the cold wind. About everything else. As you stopped he did the same. Both of you stared at each other challenging. You made the first move and pulled him towards you in the hope of getting to touch him for real. A smothered giggle escaped your mouth while you were falling backwards. Just a little longer...

You hit the ground hard.

The evening had come fast. You had dressed yourself up. Wearing a tight black dress which was cut just in the right places. Your companion made sure to stay close to you as you entered the ball room. One hand was resting on your lower back guiding you through the host of people. Mostly men, you noticed quickly. Only a few accompanied by women. You made sure to attract their attention by setting up a coquettish smile. Not that your dress weren't already causing a lot of glances towards your direction. Every now and then you even shot them a wink. You felt Jongdae's hand pulling you closer and when you looked at him you saw him gritting his teeth.