AfterDark's BDSM Project

BDSM AND WHAT IT IS

When you think of BDSM, what's the first thing that pops into your head? Whips? Chains? The government? Because same.

Really it's simply a catch-all term for a broad array of erotic practices known as bondage and discipline [B&D], dominance and submission [ D&S ], and sadism and masochism [ S&M ]. It's trust. It's consent. It's amorous. It is the lascivious, impassioned, and resplendent act of giving oneself to another.

When writing BDSM correctly in literature it can be a bit tricky if you haven't participated in it, and research is essential. But how can you tell when something can be categorized as BDSM or not?

Well here's a simple way to think about it: if it's not vanilla, it's BDSM.

When I say 'vanilla' I do not mean that in a derogatory way. Vanilla is just the conventional, socially acceptable form of relationships that varies between cultures. I can also break it down this way:

Bondage - This will inherently include ropes, being tied up, strapped to something, or handcuffed. These things are not socially acceptable.

Discipline - This will inherently include things such as receiving anal without moaning, being flogged without flinching, or punishments such as bondage itself. These things are not socially acceptable.

Dominance - With this somone is giving instructions in the relationship. They make the sole decisions for their sub and they exert control over them. This is not socially acceptable in conventional relationships.

Submission - With this someone is complying to instructions without question. They are the follower, the active receiving partner which can include things such as kneeling before their Dom. This is not socially acceptable either.

Sadism/Masochism - And I don't think I need to explain how the relish of receiving pain and giving it isn't socially acceptable.

Dominants

Dominants/Dominatrixs [ also known as Tops ] can sometimes get thrown into a general category of people who simply strive for control in sexual situations, however there are different types and people can be different combinations of them such as:

⇥ Master/Mistress: This is a rather wide category, as many people use these as titles for their Dominant. A Master or Mistress will expect varying degrees of compliance from their sub, and some may treat them as an object that is ignored unless needed, or want their sub 'trained' to anticipate their needs.

⇥ Daddy/Mommy: A Daddy or Mommy Dominant has nothing to do with incest fantasies or anyone underage; it is simply a classification of Dom that is nurturing and affectionate to their 'Little' who may act out childishly.

⇥ FemDom: Always a woman, the FemDom can have a male or female submissive, but will assume traditionally 'male' gender roles, whether 24/7 or only during sexual play. This may involve humiliation of a male partner as they are "forced" into feminine roles.

⇥ Mentor: They are usually an experienced member of the community who offers his/her knowledge to beginners, generally outside of a relationship and without any sexual encounters. This can be a hands-on or hands-off experience.

Submissives

What exactly makes someone submissive? The first thing to realize is that submission doesn't look the same for every person, or every relationship; submission can take many forms (all of which require trust in the Dominant) however they can largely be categorized into service, sexual, pain, or some combination of the above. Service submissives spend their time anticipating their Dom's needs to make them more comfortable, like making them tea or drawing baths, while sexual submissives make themselves available any time for any act (within pre-arranged hard limits), but here are some forms:

⇥ Slave: A slave is a form of submission in which the submissive gives over their own will entirely to their Master. It's a more encompassing, more entire form of submission, in which the sub doesn't set their own limits, their boundaries are set for them by their master or mistress. They act as though 'owned' by their master and may or may not be masochists, but collars are quite common in this activity.

⇥ Pet: Pet play―commonly pony, puppy or kitty play― can involve costumes and accessories like tails, cages, collars or leashes, but also can vary in terms of what the sub "gets out" of it. Some characters may enjoy the aspect of dehumanization and exhibitionism, while others may enjoy letting 'loose' and relaxing while their 'Owner' strokes or pets them. It is not related to bestiality whatsoever alright people?

⇥ Little: A little is an adult who adopts a role somewhat similar to a pet in that they look to their Dom for protection and care, however rather than assuming a role related to an animal, it tends to revolve around human age play. This type of power dynamic can often be nonsexual, but can involve a lot of dressing up and 'childish' activities, as well as being spoiled and punished by their Mommy/Daddy.

⇥ Sissymaid: Sissification, or feminization, is a broader category that involves a (consenting) male partner to be "forced" into a "female" role, often with costumes like school girls or maids, and perform tasks that can be sexual or non-sexual but fulfill the traditional (and often outdated) role of a woman. The goal can be for the character to be humiliated by making them a parody of a woman, or involve making them as act out a role as a beautiful femme.

⇥ Brat: A brat is a submissive who purposefully misbehaves or acts out in ways against their Dominant's wishes. This can be for attention, to test limits, or provoke punishment. This may be because they enjoy the humiliation aspect of being punished, or for purely masochistic reasons.

So, when writing BDSM, for the uninitiated, tends to call to mind a Fifty Shades of Grey-type relationship, between an experienced authoritarian male Dom and a naïve female submissive. However, there are a multitude of different power dynamics and relationship roles for kink that can be sexual, non-sexual, or a mix of both. In simplicity, at it's core, BDSM is dominance and/or submission. But it's important to know what these types of relationships are and how they work. Once you understand that, you can begin forming your story around your characters.