AfterDark's BDSM Project

BDSM Lingo

BDSM LINGO

In such an underground society like BDSM there's bound [ lol no pun intended ] to be some some language and terminology catered around it. After outlining your story and coming up with a plot it's essential, okay it's mandatory, to know these terms and mechanics.

⇥ Safeword: A safeword is a word that halts any BDSM activity immediately. It's put in place so that one partner can say "no" or "stop" and the only partner can keep going because they don't really mean no or stop. In literature this is important to stress with your characters, and these safewords can range from red, to taco bell, or even first names.

⇥ Scene/Session: This is simply what any play BDSM activity is called.

⇥ Aftercare: This generally occurs after a scene, no matter how physically intense. At it's most basic, it's simply involves the willingness to continue being there with the play partner for a sufficient time period that they can feel safe, regain their emotional equilibrium, and no longer feel the need to cling to anyone. In writing this can include cuddling or vanilla sex even. It's whatever you choose for your characters. It is equally important to recognize that aftercare is for both the Top and bottom, Dominant and submissive. If either person leaves too soon, then their partner may feel abandonment or loss far exceeding the the obvious dimensions of the scene.

⇥ Contracts: Plenty of BDSM relationships operate without this, so contracts are optional to write in. Contracts are mutual agreed upon limits, rules, guidelines, punishments, rewards, and boundaries of the relationship that all parties must sign and consent to. Understand that it is not legally binding and cannot actually hold in court.

⇥ Subspace: This is a an altered psychological state that is often entered into by the person bottoming in a scene. It is not easy to characterize, because each person's reactions to BDSM play can be quite different and even a single person's reactions to play can vary from scene to scene. Subspace, in one sense, is much like an hypnotic trance and that's how it should be written. During a BDSM scene the entire world may disappear, leaving only the bottom, the Top, and whatever is being done to the bottom. Same can be said for Domspace.

⇥ Subdrop: This is different from subspace in that when someone is experiencing a subdrop, it's the opposite of euphoria. It's the feeling of abandonment during this euphoria, and can have the same effects in what I mentioned above only in a much more negative way, hence why aftercare is important but not mandatory.

⇥ 24/7: This is usually found in master/slave relationships and there is usually a contract involved. But a 24/7 relationship, also know as a total power exchange or TPE, is where the Top has complete ownership of their Bottom. Safewords and limits are purposely ignored because Tops already know their Bottom's needs and limits. This can be difficult to write and convey because at face value it seems like abuse hence why before a TPE relationship begins, things like limits and safewords should be explored beforehand.

⇥ Hard Limits: Hard Limits are BDSM activities that are an absolute not-to-be-done for a person. These limits vary for everyone and include things such as rape play, scat [feces] play, or asphyxiation play.

⇥ Soft Limits: Soft Limits are activities that are a "maybe" or can-be-coaxed-into. These are limits that can be changed over time and can vary for everyone such as being branded, pierced, or spanked.

⇥ Collaring: This is typically to exert ownership and can be used in any type of relationship whether it be between daddy and little, dom and sub, or master and slave. It's typically to show that a bottom has been claimed.

⇥ SSC: Standing for Safe, Sane, and Consensual, this is the basis of almost all BDSM activity. Safe includes a character knowing their limits, having first aid kits, sterilizing toys, and wearing condoms just to name a few. Sane includes being psychologically healthy. Characters shouldn't do a scene when their angry or depressed or under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or a Grey's Anatomy finale. Then there is consent, and this may be the most important concept of all. It's what differentiates from abuse. Everything a character does should be based on consent, and consent can be withdrawn at any time after.

⇥ RACK: An acronym that stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink, RACK politely goes against SSC because whereas SSC wants to avoid risks by staying safe, RACK acknowledges that their are risks, it's not safe, but all parties are aware of it and wish to continue anyways.

*Fun fact? E. L. James used just three of these terms throughout the entire Fifty Shades trilogy.*

There's more to the terminology, much much more, and many different types of play and fantasies. But what I have above are undisputed terms that every writer of BDSM needs to know and understand before they begin the writing process.