AfterDark's BDSM Project

Bare Basics with Dilyana

Written by CatMint5

WHAT IS BDSM?

What people usually imagine when they hear BDSM is leather- or latex-clad people, some in chains, others armed with whips. While those are things you can associate with the BDSM culture, they hardly represent all of it.

BDSM is about control, discipline, learning to trust others and to let go yourself go, to willingly submit; for some it';s a way to bring a little excitement in their lives, for others, it is their life. What BDSM is not, is an excuse to take advantage of others, to abuse and oppress them.

LET'S DISSECT BDSM

What do we mean by that?

Let's see what each of the letters stand for.

B - Bondage. Think ropes and handcuffs here. It can also symbolizes the bond between the Dominant (Dom) and the Submissive (Sub), a bond they build up on trust.

D - Domination or Discipline. Both are associated with the BDSM culture. One dominates another by executing power over them, during which time the Dom disciplines the Sub.

S - Sadism or Submission. Again, both terms are present in the BDSM culture. Sadism is when you get your pleasure through inflicting suffering (physical pain or humiliation) to another, while submission is when you let yourself be dominated.

M - Masochism. This is the opposite of sadism; masochism is when one gets their pleasure by being the one who is suffering.

Now that you know for what each letter stands for (for more acronyms and BDSM terms, see our BDSM Glossary chapter), you might be thinking "You talk about inflicting suffering, about pain and humiliation, but at the same time you claim it's not about abuse; how does that work?"

Well...

While there are some people who would call themselves Doms and abuse a Sub beyond the Sub's limits, crushing their boundaries without any considerations for the Subs wants, needs and health, those  "Doms" and their practices are actually condemned by the BDSM society.

A basic principle of BDSM is SSC, which stands for Safe, Sane and Consensual. No BDSM relationship takes place without those three elements present in it. All participants must be consenting adults and take part in activities, while keeping safety in mind.

However, misunderstanding and prejudice sometimes lead to myths about BDSM.

POPULAR MYTHS ABOUT BDSM

Myth: BDSM is oppressive and abusive.

Truth: People enjoy letting go in a safe environment. They release pent-up stress while in the

presence of someone they trust. Real, non-consensual abuse is a definite no-no and no self-

respecting Dom would put a Sub through it. Again, the BDSM community condemns that.

Myth: BDSM is practiced only by mentally unstable, damaged people, and no sane person would ever get involved in it.

Truth: The people in the BDSM community value each other's wellbeing to a point where they have created and follow safety protocols. Each participant in a BDSM activity, regardless of being a Dom or a Sub, has their partner';s pleasure and safety in mind, along with their own. In that way, this is a much healthier relationship than some more "standard" relationships, where BDSM is not involved, but one partner benefits from the relationship by taking advantage the other.

Myth: BDSM is all about sex.

Truth: BDSM is about learning about yourself, exploring your sexuality, letting go of control. It involves an array of emotions that don't have to be triggered through sexual intercourse and there are ways to engage in bondage and dominance without it.

Myth: BDSM always involves pain.

Truth: One can take part in bondage and dominance, without stepping into S/M territory.

Myth: Everyone can buy a few toys and practice BDSM.

Truth: It's true that everyone interested can engage in BDSM activities, whether they like bondage, light spanking or hard caning - the degree to which you take part in that world is up to you. However, the safe usage of sex toys requires research and practice, not to mention that the toys themselves are in need of proper cleaning and storing, which is also one thing you should look up. Simply buying a set of handcuffs, whips, paddles and some rope doesn't make you a BDSM expert and can end up in serious health issues for you and your partner.