Til You Come Back to Me Again - A Love Story

Healing Heart

Healing Heart

Six months later

"Angelo!" I cried, waking from another nightmare, and he was instantly there.

"I'm here, piccola," he whispered. "I'm here." He lay beside me and I burrowed against him. The vision of the paramedics pulling Suzanne's body from the taxi was still as fresh and vivid as ever. It was always followed by the vision of Angelo standing in front of me slowly fading away, his face wearing a sad, haunted smile.

"I don't want you to leave me, Angelo," I said, whimpering, too afraid to close my eyes again. "I'm so scared I will lose you too."

"Shhh, I promise I will never leave you, Katoosha. I promise I will always be here. Shhh, it's all right. It's okay, tesora mia."

He crooned those words over and over until I drifted back to sleep. The nightmares only happened once or twice a week now, less than before. I was slowly getting better. I was starting to feel more secure.

Soon, the dreams stopped completely.

* * *

Sometimes I missed Suzanne, and I knew Angelo did too. Emotionally, she had not been there for a long time, but we still missed her. On those days, the sadness was deeply etched in Angelo's expression and it made me even sadder. He told me he sometimes wondered if he'd done all he could to help Suzanne. He wondered if he'd been good enough to her, if he'd loved her enough, if he'd been a good enough husband to her. There were times that his sadness was so consuming, I began to pray to God for a way to help him. The answer was always the same. I would go to him, hug his neck, kiss his cheek and say, "I love you, Angelo. You're the best person in the world," because he was. He would smile and hug me, and the fog would lift again.

"I love you too, tesorina," he always said.

I usually went with Angelo on his fishing days with Lee and Kate. I loved spending time with them and I absolutely loved to fish. There was something very calming about casting my line in the water and patiently waiting for a bite. I loved everything about it, from baiting my own hook to reeling in and unhooking my catch.

Lee and Kate were always so good to me, and Kate usually brought me a special treat. They were good people and I was happy that they were such good friends to Angelo, because he really needed friends. Kate had been unable to have a child and she just found out she was pregnant. We were so happy for them. It made me sad to think of them never having the opportunity to be parents, because I knew they would be great ones. Their child would be lucky to have them.

Angelo and I spent a lot of time down by the lake. We would sit on the grassy bank and talk about a variety of things–movies, books, things he did when he was a boy. He told me about losing his mother in a car accident, and I always touched the scar just at his hairline, a result of the accident. His hair covered it so you couldn't tell. He talked about moving from Italy and about losing his father to cancer. We talked about the hotel and he shared his experiences working with his father.

"Do you still miss him?" I asked one afternoon as I tossed bits of bread out to the ducks.

"Every day."

I thought about that for a moment. "Do you think he would like me?"

"He would love you as much as I do."

I grinned. "How much do you love me?"

"Hmmm, let me think. Well, do you know how big the universe is?"

"Nobody does. It's endless, like it goes on forever."

"And that is how much I love you."

A happy warmth filled me and I crawled into his lap. I was pretty small for my age and he always seemed like a giant to me. "That's how much I love you too."

Smiling, he kissed my nose and hugged me close, pressing his nose into my hair. "Thank you, passerotta."

* * *

A few weeks before I turned eleven, I decided that I wanted to have a birthday party and invite the neighborhood kids. There were only about ten kids that were near or around my age and I didn't know any of them that well. I knew I needed to get to know more people and that was now my goal.

"It's about time I got to know them," I told Angelo.

He smiled, studying my expression and I knew I must have been wearing what he called my "serious look."

"You know you have the most expressive eyes I have ever seen on anyone your age, and the gray seems to deepen every year."

I knew what he said was true. I studied my reflection occasionally and had seen the changes. My eyes were almond shaped and framed by thick, dark lashes, the kind of lashes Angelo told me many women would pay a fortune for. I noticed that my voice had also deepened slightly, the tone of it a little raspy. It made me sound older than I was, which I didn't mind at all. My hair had grown so much that it reached the middle of her back. I usually kept it pulled back in a loose ponytail. I remember how hard a time Angelo had brushing and styling my hair when I was younger. Sylvia finally taught him how. My curly mane had been especially thick, which made it even trickier to work with. Sadly, Suzanne had never been much help either. Before she and Angelo married, she had helped Mama out by doing my hair occasionally. After marriage, that changed, just like everything else. When I turned eight, Angelo began teaching me to care for my own hair and I managed to catch on quickly.

"So, you are ready for some socializing, huh?" Angelo asked. We were sitting at the table eating ice-cream bars.

"Yeah. I've put it off for too long."

He chuckled. "Well, I don't know. I might have to give this some thought. We can't have you turning into a socialite just yet. You will only be eleven."

Placing my hands on my hips, I gave him 'the look.' "Angelo De Luca! If you don't stop –"

"Okay!" he said, throwing his hands up. I knew he secretly loved it when I turned into 'Little Miss Assertive,' and he always tried not to laugh until I did, which usually didn't take long. "I will be happy to fund your grand soiree."

"Thank you."

"I guess we should make a list of people to invite and go shopping. Do you know what kind of cake you would like?"

"Not really." I hadn't really thought about it until he mentioned it.

"All right, we will look around. When you decide on a theme we can work on the cake."

"Okay." I quickly made up a guest list, making sure to add Sylvia because she was such a neat lady, and I loved her because she was so good to Angelo.

When the list was finished, we went to the party supply store. I browsed around a bit and finally decided that I wanted the party to be a luau.

"Are you sure?" Angelo asked with a surprised smile. "I kind of thought you would choose a Barbie theme or one of the popular boy bands you kids are so crazy over."

"No, I wanted to choose something fun that everyone will enjoy. Besides, I don't really like that kind of music anyway."

"I know," he said, giving my hair a gentle tug. "I was just teasing my classical, bluesy girl."

"You know it," I said and he laughed.

We bought all the decorations and various items we would need for the party, including a tiki piñata and enough candy to fill it. Then Angelo took me to the bakery and ordered a large, two-layer sheet cake, decorated with tropical flowers, hula dancers, and mini surfboards. For the food, we wanted to keep with the theme, so we decided on pulled pork sliders, deli chips and pineapple punch.

After our shopping, Angelo took me to my favorite Chinese restaurant for dinner. We talked more about the party and I planned the games. Angelo just smiled, listening to me go on about how much fun it would be. His smile was because he loved seeing me happy. He never needed to tell me my happiness was the most important thing in the world to him. He never needed to say the words because I knew, just as I knew there was nothing he would not do for me. He would give me the moon if he could. The fact is, he already had. I had everything.