Til You Come Back to Me Again - A Love Story

Chap - 7

Seven

The Meaning of Hurt

Suzanne called while we were eating. We had gotten pizza on the way home, though Katia hardly touched hers, still upset by the earlier call. "I am going to the den to talk a moment," I said, kissing her brow. "I'll be back." She nodded, the sadness in her eyes seeming to deepen by the minute.

When I reached the den, I closed the door. "Suzanne?"

"I'm sorry, Angelo." Her voice was slurred as usual. "I'm sorry. Secrets I've kept . . . so sorry."

"Where are you?" I asked, keeping my voice even. She did not answer and I asked again, "Suzanne, where are you? I will come and get you."

"I'm sorry for hurting you, Angelo. So many . . . secrets. You deserve so much better than . . ."

For the first time in a long time, I was beginning to worry. "Suzanne, you need to come home, okay?"

"I miss Lila, Angelo. I miss . . . you are good for Katia, not me. I'm not a mother."

"Please tell me where you are and I will come and get you, okay? Tell me where you are, Suzanne." She didn't respond. "Please come home."

"I will. I love you, Angelo."

"Okay, just call a cab and come home, all right?" She didn't answer. "All right?"

"You didn't say you loved me."

The phone went dead and I immediately called her back. A man answered. "Hey, she's pretty messed up. I'm calling her a cab."

"Where is she? Who is this?"

"This ain't nobody, man. She'll be there."

"Who is –" The phone went dead again.

I took a deep breath and tried to stay calm. Needing support, I called Suzanne's parents and filled them in on the call. We stayed in contact regularly and they knew how things had been with Suzanne. Just like me, they were at the end of their rope and did not know how to help her.

"All we can do is pray," Lance said. His words sounded hollow.

"I know, and I will. But if she does not come home tonight, I am going to call the police. This time something is not right."

"Angelo," came Theresa's voice, "I need to talk to you. I need to tell you something Suzanne should have told you before you got married. It is only recently that Lance and I realized she hadn't. But maybe it will help you understand why Suzanne is the way she is."

"Okay," I said, bracing myself for whatever I was about to hear.

"Over a year before Suzanne met you, she was seeing someone. He fell in love with her and wanted them to marry, but Suzanne had other plans. She was setting her sights higher than a meager high school janitor." She paused, and I both dreaded and needed to hear what came next.

"Suzanne got pregnant, and as soon as she found out . . . she had an abortion."

Her words were a kick in the gut. "How could . . . how could she?"

Theresa sighed. "I don't know, Angelo. I honestly don't. A baby wasn't part of her plans. When Suzanne finally admitted what she'd done, we were crushed. And the father of the baby was literally torn apart. By making that choice, she murdered our grandchild. She asked us to forgive her and we did, but the father never did. He finally left town and Suzanne never saw him again."

Secrets I've kept . . . So many secrets . . . The abortion. That was what she had meant.

"Suzanne knew what she had done was wrong," Theresa continued, "and she realized it was something she would have to live with for the rest of her life. As much as we loved our daughter, she was a selfish person and I knew we were partly to blame for indulging her too much. But then she began to change and we did whatever we could to help her.