Til You Come Back to Me Again - A Love Story

Chap - 13

 

Thirteen

Suffering from the Same Sickness

Three years later

"I had a great time tonight."

"I did too."

"We should get together again sometime."

"Sure, I'll call you."

She kissed my cheek and went into the house.

As I drove off, I realized I always gave the same response. I'll call you. But I never did.

Over the past few years, Katia had encouraged me to start dating, and I did date here and there, but my heart was never in it. I could say I hadn't the faintest idea why, but that wouldn't be entirely truthful, because somewhere deep down, I did.

Katia told me it was because of Suzanne, and she said she was not going to stand by and allow me to be broken. I told her she was one to talk. She was nineteen now, and I could count the number of times she had dated on one hand. She said maybe she was broken, too.

The truth was I had absolutely no desire to date, and I was totally content with spending my free time with Katia. I was used to it. It was comfortable.

I knew that when I got home, Katia would be waiting. She always was. Her eyes would light up when I walked through the door and she would immediately ask me how my date went. Our conversations always went the same way. She would ask, "How was your date?" I would answer, "It was all right." Next, she'd ask, "What did you do?" Then I would tell her. Usually it was dinner and a movie. (This was what I termed the "safe date.") Katia always smiled, but it was not her real smile. It was her masking smile. There was something behind that smile I had yet to glimpse, and oh, how I longed to discover it, to see what that curved mouth and those slightly-dimpled cheeks concealed.

Hurrying home, I did my best to stay within the speed limit. I didn't know why I was always so anxious to get home. Maybe it was because I knew Katia would be waiting for me, or because I just needed to see her to make the night complete.

But when I got home she wasn't waiting. The house felt empty.

"Katia," I called, moving through the house. "Katoosha?" I looked everywhere.

She was not home.

She wasn't there and I felt hurt, even a little angry, but I quickly put myself in check and sent up a silent plea to God for forgiveness for the small moment of bitterness. It was not Katia's job to wait up for me. She was nineteen, a grown woman with her own life. Why should she be there? Just to feed my ego?

Maybe she's out on a date.

Sighing, I sat on a stool at the kitchen counter. Maybe the reason I felt this way was because for so long, I was her life, just as she was mine, and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose her.

Oh, heaven help me. What is wrong with me?

Not wanting Katia to walk in and find me waiting like a prison warden, I went upstairs and changed into a t-shirt and some denim shorts. I thought about getting into bed, but it was only nine, and I couldn't go to bed until she was home, anyway. But I needed to do something. I needed to talk.

Grabbing my cell, I dialed Sylvia's number. She answered on the first ring.

"Hi, are you busy?"

"No, why?"

"I need to talk."

After a brief pause she said, "I'll be right over."