Take Me Back

Chapter 8

"Your heart is beating out of your chest, is everything okay?" Kayla murmured from the crook of my arm, her voice thick with sleep. I knew she was struggling to stay awake, drifting in and out of consciousness.

Was everything okay? Everything was perfect. It had been three months since she'd agreed to give us a shot, three months of bliss.

There are times in your life where you can feel the silence in the room. I'd never said those words before, three words that meant the world, that meant she was my world. Three words that, despite my previous relationships, I had never said before.

"I love you"

And all I can hear for a moment is my own heart thudding.

"I love you too"

oOo

I didn't remember getting home.

One minute I was vomiting my guts up in front of a crowd, the next I was on my front doorstep.

I hadn't been home in a week and I could hear the television on the inside. I stumbled forward, as I tried to get my key in the lock.

Kayla had been in love with someone else. It was repeating in my head over and over again. I liked the way we were, I liked not knowing.

Kayla and I.
Me and Kayla.
We found each other after empty relationships, we were each other's first real love but that wasn't true anymore.

Kayla had been in love with someone else.

I don't know why I cared so much, everyone has a history right? People can love more than one person, people can fall out of love. She fell out of love once, maybe she would fall out of love again. Maybe he was who she was supposed to be with, maybe Kayla wasn't mine after all.

My fist connected with the door, once, twice and then I couldn't stop. I felt the splinters in my knuckles and the blood beginning to trickle down but I didn't care, feeling anything else was better than thinking about her.

It was then the door flew open, Jamie stood in front of me and I watched the emotions flicker. At first it was shock, then concern, but very, very quickly it turned to anger.

"What the fuck Jace?! You don't come home for a week and then you show up trashed? I thought you were at your parents"

I pushed past her and made my way to the bathroom, I tried to tune her out as she followed me down the hall yelling.

I ran my hand under the tap, the blood washing into the drain. I felt her hand rest softly on my shoulder, "oh my god Jace what did you do?"

I shrugged her off, hoping she would get the hint.

"Please Jace, let me help you. You can't clean it out by yourself, you're shaking and you're clearly wasted"

Then I snapped.

"Jesus Christ, don't you get it?You're so goddamn blind or just maybe just wilfully ignorant. I don't want you Jamie. I've spent the week at Jonathan's because I can't stand being around you" I watched the tears well in her eyes but I was too far gone to care "you want too much from me! I never wanted this"

"But-"

"But nothing, we were sleeping together and next thing you were moving in. When did we have that conversation because I sure as shit can't remember! Is this fun for you, to be so fucking pathetic, just wanting any bit of affection you can get. How can you like this? How can you like us?"

My chest was heaving at the end of my rant, I was out of breath and the only sound in the room was my panting.

The seconds ticked by and I knew I had gone too far, I was an asshole and I had taken my anger out on Jamie. Older me knew she was a horrible person, that she burned my possessions, that she called me horrible names and rang me at all hours of the night threatening me. The issue was that the Jamie standing in front of me hadn't done any of that yet.

The girl in front of me just loved me  and wanted me to love her back. Instead I ripped her heart out and was a grade A dick.

I had never seen Jamie look so small before, so defeated. Her head hung down, the chin that she normally held up proudly, defiantly was lost as she stared at the ground. I felt the pang of remorse right to my bones and I knew I had decimated this girl.

"You don't love me", she murmured quietly. It was not a question. Just a statement. The same statement that we ended on all those years ago.

She finally looked up, the tears that had threatened to spill over, silently falling down her face.

"No"

She simply nodded and grabbed her keys, "I'll be back for my stuff in the morning"

And then she was gone.

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, I wanted to get this bit out and couldn't cut it off anywhere else. Will probably rewrite this one in future.