Take Me Back

Chapter 13

"Get it together you idiot, you can do it. You are not a pussy, you are a man. A manly man"

It was a Friday evening and I'd been pacing around my office, calling Jonathan and then hanging up several times. It was the fourth time I hit call that I actually gave him enough time to pick up

"I need your help"

"Just let me finish up with this report and then I'll bring the shovel and gloves"

"What?"

"We're hiding a body right? It's the only time I thought I would hear your stubborn ass asking me for help"

"Uh nope, not that, look can you meet me at PJ's after work?"

"Sure thing man, just text me the details and I'll see you tonight. Love yooouuuuu"

It felt like I'd been waiting hours for him to arrive, the clock on the pub wall contradicting my claim, showing only twenty minutes had passed.

I had torn up three coasters by the time Jonathan had arrived, he looked like he'd had a rough day. His tie loosed and his dark hair askew, the black rings under his eyes indicating that he's spent many a late night chained to his desk.

And not even in the fun sense.

"You look like shit dude"

Jonathan scowled at me as he sat in the stool opposite, scotch on the rocks in hand.

"You can talk douche nozzle", he paused and looked pointedly down at the cardboard that littered the small table, "What's eating you?"

"Uh- I" I took a deep breath, "I'm going to ask Kayla marry me"

If you couldn't actually see Jonathan, you would actually believe the shriek that was emitted came from a teenage girl, "Oh praise Jesus, my Pinterest board and I have been waiting for this day"

"Your what now?"

He grabbed his phone and flicked to an album of venues and suits, "personally I think we should go for the beige suit but I'm totally open to navy"

"Uhhhh"

"And outdoor ceremony, definitely outdoor ceremony", he clapped his hands together, "so where is it?"

I could barely keep up with what he was saying and it was only when he had paused to take a breath and was looking at me expectantly that I managed to reply, "Where's what?"

"The ring you wanker?! Did we go pear shaped? Princess cut? How many carats?"

My head was swimming, there was just gold and not gold right? "I don't have a ring"

Jonathan gasped and clutched at his chest, "please God tell me you aren't going to propose without a ring. We have waited too long for this for you to fuck it up"

"We?"

Jonathan suddenly became very distracted by my shredded coasters.

"Jonathan, you said we?"

He huffed, "well it's not like Kayla and I haven't spoken about it once or twice"

I quirked an eyebrow, "is that so?"

"Oh shut up Jace" he paused for a moment and laughed, "Cheers man, I can't believe we're finally here"

I clinked my glass against his and couldn't suppress my grin, "Neither can I"

oOo

My head pounded when I woke the following morning. The dull thud that radiated from behind my eyes to the base of my skull not so gently reminded me that perhaps I wasn't as adept at dealing with hangovers as I thought when I was younger.

I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom, trying my best to ignore my reflection and the miserable ass who would be staring back at me. I'd fucked up and I knew it, setting your best friend up for heart break is makes you the worst kind of person and I'd gone and let it happen.

I walked into the lounge room to find Jonathan sitting on my couch, mug in hand.

"I knew I should have moved that spare key"

He managed a weak smile and looked down at his coffee, "I think we should talk"

I leant against the door frame and nodded, "I'm sorry"

"Sorry really doesn't cut it Jace", he said sharply before sighing, "shit that came out a lot more harsh than I intended. I know I said I would enjoy it while it lasts but I just can't stop thinking about it, can't stop questioning every word or touch from him and it's only been twelve hours. I'm just so bloody pissed mate, all I've done is look out for you since your world literally went tits up and you couldn't give me the heads up that I'm about to get my heart ripped out and stomped on?"

I rubbed my temples, unsure of what to say. I'd screwed up and I knew that but how do I tell him in six months that he'll walk in and find a stranger naked in his boyfriends kitchen. That even five years after that he won't trust anyone, that he'll sleep around and avoid genuine connection just so he doesn't get hurt?

"Look Jon, I don't know what to tell you or how to. In my reality or whatever that was, things don't go well for you guys but how do I know that's even real? Look I was a dick, I know that because I knew you ending things prematurely meant that I wouldn't get to meet Kayla but why would I get you to end something because of something that might not even happen?"

Jonathan placed his mug down and stood up, "Just tell me Jace because I'm struggling here, what does he do? You did know who he was when you hit him that day didn't you"

I nodded.

"Does he cheat?"

My heart was heavy in my chest but I managed to bring my gaze up to his eyes and nod again.

Jonathan was the guy who always had a come back for everything, always the one who had too many words but now all he could offer was silence.

"I'm sorry"

Sorry wasn't enough and we both knew that. The thing about Jonathan and I, is that for every momentous and crazy moment in our adult lives, we were there for one another. He was my best friend and the last thing I ever wanted to do was let him down but I had and I hated myself for it.

He stood there quietly for what felt like an eternity before he spoke again. Then it was like a switch had been hit, the morose stupor being replaced with the easy going facade that he wore for most of high school, hiding was always a lot easier for Jonathan than facing things.

"It's fine, you win some, you lose some I guess", he shrugged.

"Jon, please-"

He cut me off, calling behind him as he headed for my door "Hey I've gotta run, I'm having drinks next weekend, Kayla will be there if you want to risk it, she's been asking about her mystery man" he said with a wink and then he was gone.

All that was left was me and my guilt.

And this fucking headache.

oOo

Whoa guys so I blinked and it's the end of January?

Life's been crazy, my partner has gone off to Antarctica of all places and I'm counting down til he gets home.

Welcome to my new readers and thanks again for joining to those who've been along for the ride for a while. It's a slow journey but we'll get there!

Xx