Lovesick: Part 3

Love Yourself ♡

Demonstrate love by giving it unconditionally, to yourself.
And as you do, you will attract others into your life who will love you without conditions.

(Paige P.O.V)

30 days were up. Still no return. I know that I had my doubters, my haters, people who believed that I would never return. Little do those people know, everything was about to change. Sure, I had those moments were I would want to give up. Everyone has those moments, but you have push yourself. You have to motivate yourself. You have to love yourself enough to not let the downfall get the best of you. Within these days, every single hour, minute, literal seconds...I was working on bettering myself. Becoming a better me. Inside the ring and outside.

I could not and would not let my fans down. That's something I would never let happen. Without them, I'm nothing. So, this comeback was for them, as well as myself. I couldn't let the media decide my fate. I couldn't let them decide the future of my career. I had to decide that for myself.

I had a lot of help along the way. Support from my fans, friends, and of course, my family. Seth was a huge help as well. Every step along the way of this comeback, he stood by my side. Even though we just decided to stay friends, that didn't last too long. The love we had for each other was obviously still there. It was too strong to deny it, so we decided to get together once again, but take things a lot slower this time around. I couldn't be thankful enough to have someone like Seth in my life. He's made this journey a lot easier for me. Not only was I lucky to have him as mine once again, but I'm blessed. I have someone who loves me to death and is willing to go through hell and back, just for me. And he did. That's love.

As much as he loved me, I had to learn to love myself, just the same. During the downfall, and after everything went down, I blamed myself over and over again. Thinking it was all my fault. I wondered 'why did all this have to happen to me? Was I not good enough? Was I not perfect? Or even...why couldn't I be Nikki Bella? What does she have, that I don't? Other than the two melons on her chest...and why couldn't he love me the way he loved her?' I was slowly starting to hate myself, all because of Dean...but the way my heart is set up, I forgave him. In life, sometimes you just have to forgive and forget. And once you lose something, you gain something that's so much better. That's the truth. I had Seth, almost as if I never lost him.

As much as I wanted to hate myself then, I knew that I couldn't bring myself to do that. I wanted to hate Dean as well, but I couldn't bring myself to do that either. Instead, I would thank him. Thank him for letting me go. Thank him for leaving me on multiple occasions. Thank him for letting me experience the lowest moments of my life, and still come out strong from them. I wanted Dean to know that this comeback was not only for my fans & myself, but also for him. For him to know that I may have cried over losing his love, but after not having it, I'm much better than I've ever been. Now was the time to prove it.

April 3, 2017...the Raw after WrestleMania 33.

The time was now. I finally got that call to come back. 30 days of a suspension ended up turning into 8 long months. 8 months of tears, 8 months of training, 8 months of self acceptance, and 8 months of knowing that I truly am loved. Not only from my friends and family, but by my fans, coworkers, and even myself. I let that love I had for myself, lift me up the most.
No more lovesick-ness. It was just full on, unconditional love that I gave myself. I didn't need it from anyone else from now on. But I am beyond grateful to have that kind of love from someone: Seth.

"Are you nervous?" Seth asked me as I stood in the mirror, looking at myself. I took a deep breath and turned around to face him, as a huge smile came across my face. "No way! I'm more than ready! This is the moment I've been waiting for, for the past 8 months. It's time to let my hard work pay off." I said to him. "That's my girl." He said to me before he kissed my forehead, causing me to smile even harder. "Go out there and prove all the haters and doubters wrong. Show the world why you're the best female wrestler in the world. Also, go out there and hit them with that new finisher I taught you." Seth said jokingly as we both laughed, then we heard the sudden knock on the door.