Alaska
I sat at the edge of the swimming pool as I waiting for Ashley to come out. I finally heard the opening of the backdoor and felt her sit next to me. Lighting a cigarette, she inhales it, then hands it over, while running her fingers through her long blue hair. I accept the cigarette and take a long drag, staring into the pool. We sat in silence for awhile not saying anything, but listening to each other's uneasy breaths. I looked at her and a smile spread across her face.
She was always forcing smiles, and I was the only person who saw her real smile. Due to her bipolar disorder, her mood swings changed drastically, and I always made sure to keep her happy so she wouldn't get upset.
She took off her shoes, revealing her tattoo on her foot. She dangles her feet on the water as we sit in silence not speaking. We didn't need words to communicate, all we needed were our eyes, and we were fine. I kicked my shoes off and placed my feet into the cool water.
Ashley looked at me, and I noticed she looked different. She had a look on her face. She was really happy. I didn't know why but it made me smile like an idiot knowing she was happy.
"Do you ever wish, you could just turn invisible?" She asked. I laughed at her random question.
"Sometimes," I say taking another drag of the cigarette.
"I want to cut my hair." She then says biting her fingernails.
"Honestly, I really don't care if you cut your hair, you would still look amazing." She laughed and I looked at her frowning.
"That's funny." She says bringing her knees to her chest.
"What do you mean funny?"
"That you don't care if I cut my hair. You would care. Cause then you would have nothing to braid or run your hands through."
"You know me so well." I say swaying my feet in the water. I could feel her staring at me as I sat there. I looked at her and she bit her lip. Her lips looked perfect. And I've seen her kiss other people before, and sadly, I was never one of them. She placed her hand on my cheek before bringing her face closer to mine.
"What if, I kissed you right now?" She speaks slowly, pronouncing each word carefully.
"You wouldn't," I say and she bites her tongue. She leans in but before our lips could touch, Matty stood at the door saying our names. Ashley sighed before standing up, extending her hand to help me up. We went inside to find our friends having drinks and smoking weed.
I looked around and noticed him sitting in the couch. I didn't expect him to be here. He shouldn't be here. I didn't want him here. As he saw me, he got up and approached me, causing me to take a step back.
"Please, just give me 5 minutes." He sounded sad, so I decided to give him 5 minutes. "Could we go somewhere quiet?"
I scan the room and notice Ashley busy doing something else with Peder so I nod. He took me to one of Matty's guest room and we sat on the bed.
"What do you want Adam?" I spoke quickly.
"I want you." He doesn't even blink.
"No you don't, you cheated on me." He sighs and rubs his neck not knowing how to reply. I shake my head before standing up. I go to the door and as I begin to turn the knob, I hear his voice.
"She's not good for you." He refers to Ashley.
"We aren't together."
"But you like each other, no?"
"Were just friends." I turn the knot and leave the room finding my way back into the kitchen. I look around to see if I could find Ashley. And I found her. Making out with Peder on the couch. I try to swallow the lump in my throat as my vision get blurry. I couldn't believe this.
I found Matty and told him I was leaving.
"Now? But the party just started."
"I don't feel good."
"Well, drive home safe." He says hugging me. I go out back and I find my shoes and put them on, seeing Ashley's shoes. I bite my lip before staring out into Mattys backyard. I feel the familiar lump in my throat and I turn around, running into Ashley.
"Hey, Matthew told me you were leaving now, why?" My eyes make there way to meet hers and the feeling got stronger.
"I don't want to be here."
"I'll drive you home." She places her hand on my arm and I take it off.
"No,"
"Is everything okay Ali?"
"I'm fucking fantastic." She stares at me intently, before licking her lips. Thinking for a minute, she realizes why I'm upset and exhales.
"I'm sorry." She looks at the floor. I didn't reply. I walked past her and decided to walk straight home without any ride. I didn't care that it was getting dark outside, I just wanted to be alone. Suddenly, it began to rain. I mentally cursed myself for not bringing a jacket. It was such a pretty day too.
I was soaked by the time I reached my apartment. If got inside and slid down the door, bringing my knees to my chest and burying my face into my knees.
All my life, I've watched Ashley he happy with other people. I've had to help her with her heartbreaks and I've dealt with her for the longest of time. And the sad thing is. I've fallen in love with her. And I hate myself for it. She was literally my best friend.
And it hurts me to see her happy with other people. I want to wake up every morning and see her, listen to her voice as she talks to me. I want her to be there for me when I wake up at 2 am screaming because of the nightmares and anxiety attacks I have. I couldn't have that. I can't.
I've been waiting so patiently for the past 12 years and nothing ever happens. I don't think I could do this. I cried into my knees, ignoring the vibrations of my phone. I got up and went into my bathroom and stripped, turning in the water. I examined my body in the mirror. All the scars on my legs and my body reminding me of the pain I've went through. Reminding me of my family, and my past.
I could never forget, not even Ashley knew this side of me, and she knows basically everything about me. I got into the warm water and stood in it for a while, hoping my memories washed away. I got out and got dressed and wrapped myself in my blankets. I felt miserable. I soon fell asleep hoping I could forget everything over night.
This isn't halsanie butttt I thought of this and I have a really good idea for this so what do you think?
