Until I Collapse • @vscomultii

Chapter 20 // Grayson

It's been less than two weeks since we've been discharged. The first week was fine, just Ethan and I making up online work for school. But the second week I stay mostly in bed. My chest is constantly in pain, I'm having trouble breathing, or I just can't make myself get out of bed.

Today's pain is by far the worst. Every breath is painful, and each word I can manage comes out slurred.

Ethan pops his head into my doorway for the one millionth time. "Do you need something?" He seems concerned, but he looks like he knows something's going on.

"I need to die." I don't mean it, but I know he's hurt.

"Stop, Grayson. I'm serious. Do you need me to call the ambulance?" I don't respond. I don't know what I need.

"Grayson?" I can't stop holding my chest and groaning in pain. "You have about 10 seconds to answer me before I call the ambulance." I can tell that he's serious, so I stop him.

"I'm gonna be okay." I don't think that I'm actually going to be okay, but I know if I go to the hospital, they'll stop my heart. I don't want to die and leave Ethan alone.

Ethan quickly peels away from the door, and I'm alone again.

I can hear him at his desk in his room. He shuffles things around for a few seconds, and then pushes something into the pocket of his wheelchair.

I try to stand up to go to him, but my vision is blurry and I slip.

"Grayson, what the hell?" Ethan comes to the door as fast as he can. "Get back in your bed." He tries to order me up, but I can't walk, stand, see, or even think.

My stomach starts to gurgle and I feel myself getting ready to throw up. "Grayson, stop."
I try to make it to the bathroom, but when I stand up I fall back down again. "If you don't get back into the bed, I'm calling Dr. Price." It was like a threat, even though I was hoping he'd just stop playing around and call for help already.

I lay face down on the ground, struggling for air.

Stand up. Lean on the desk. Get to the bathroom. Do something!

I place my hands onto the top of my desk and try to pull myself up. Ethan watches in shock as I struggle to hold myself up. Finally, I'm balanced, and I start trying to walk. As I'm about to find a place to throw up, I fall back down again.

"I'm getting an ambulance." Ethan rushes down the hall to get to the phone. My head keeps pounding and I can't feel anything but pain. I can't keep myself from throwing up any longer, so I just let it out.

Ethan's frantically pressing buttons into the phone. "We need an ambulance, right now. My brother is having heart failure and we need to get him into the hospital for a heart transplant."

That's weird. There aren't any donors available? Before I can interject, he hangs up the phone.

"Ethan." I can hear him come back into the room. "There aren't any donors."

"Grayson," he ignores me, "I need you to stay with me. Okay?" He's crying. "Its only for a little while." He's pleading with me, begging for more time.

I slip in and out of consciousness and deeper into pain, but everything comes spiraling back when I hear the paramedics open the front door. Ethan calls to show them where we are.

Everything is a blur. The force of their strong hands on me makes me nauseous, and I throw up again. Sadly, this time it's on me.

Ethan sits beside me in the ambulance. One of my shaking hands is cupped in his, and he draws tiny, invisible circles on it with his thumb.

He tries to hurry the paramedics. I attempt to listen to what he's saying, but everything sounds like I'm under water. Like I'm drowning.

"Grayson, are you there?" I try to respond, try to tell him something. I open my mouth, but can barely even manage an empty breath.

"Listen to me." He's speaking through his tears, trying to make me listen to the last thing he'll ever get to tell me. "I'm sorry this is the last time you'll ever see me. Try not to miss me when I'm gone. Just get better for me."

I open my eyes to get the last look of him I'll ever see. Ethan barely manages to finish before he bursts out in a fit of sobbing. "I love you."

I want to ask him what he means by 'when he's gone.' I'm the one who's leaving. There are a million things I wish I have energy to tell him or ask him. But I have one thing that stands out against the rest. One thing I want him to remember when I'm gone.

"I love you, E."