Shades of White

Tiny dancer

Bobby's POV

On Sunday, Dawn, Christelle, Amy, and I went out to have breakfast. Well, actually it was more like brunch, because it was about 11:00 in the morning. We all slept in late, probably because we were tired from our day at the beach the day before with Shaun, Mason, and Danny. At least I had finally gotten over the jet lag. We went to a little local place where most of the customers were either families or older couples. It was sweet, and it reminded me of home for some reason. After we were seated and had ordered, we fell silent and I looked up to see Amy looking intently at me. I raised my eyebrows.

"Can I help you, dear?" I inquired.

"Umm. I dunno if I should be asking you this." She glanced at Dawn, across whose eyes I saw a flash of something, but it was so fast that I couldn't decipher it. She looked at Christelle, who shrugged. "Okay, if you don't want to answer me, then you don't have to." I nodded, confused. "It's pretty obvious to all of us that something is going on between you and Shaun. Or at least it should be." I opened my mouth to speak, but she raised her hand to stop me. I closed my mouth and she continued. "We can tell. Don't try to deny it. Just explain why you're so afraid of it." She waited and all three of them were looking at me.

"Okay, fine, yes. You're right. I like Shaun. I have feelings for him. I just don't think I can act on any of those feelings." I stopped and looked into three pairs of confused eyes. "It's all because of Adam." I looked at them, and I guess it was a bit awkward for me to mention him, and they all looked away from my eyes, either at the wall behind me, or at their hands, or at the table. "Ever since the...incident...I've been a...afraid of love." I stammered. "Whenever I started to like a guy, I would basically just push all of those feelings away, and eventually I would be able to completely forget about them. When I met Shaun, it was scary because...because, I don't know, I guess the feelings were just...too big for me to...to ignore."

"Well if they are such strong feelings, then maybe you shouldn't try to ignore them." Christelle said sincerely.

"But he doesn't think of me that way, and I would just get my heart broken again. The only safe way I can let myself like someone is if they like me back." I paused. "Like Aaron."

"Oh, don't start on the college guy again. I can tell he's not right for you already, and I haven't even met him." Dawn said.

"How do you know what's right for me? You only met me three days ago." I said, and she was about to start talking again when our waiter arrived with our meals. After we had all of the plates sorted out, I looked at her expectantly.

"I pick up on things pretty quickly, and I can already tell some things about you. I know that you need someone who loves you with his whole heart. I know that you need someone who let's you be just you, crazy and impulsive and funny. I saw you with Shaun at the beach yesterday, and he lets you be yourself. I could see the way that you were enjoying yourself." She nodded decisively and started eating.

"Yeah, but what makes you think that Shaun would like me. He's a freakin' snowboarder. What would he want with me, a ballerina? Besides, he's just so different from the kind of guy that I always saw myself with. I always thought I would be with a guy who would go to a really good college right out of high school, and then graduate and get a job as a doctor or something really prestigious. You know, a desk job. That's what my parents expect too."

"Who cares about what your parents want? Just think about what you want in a guy." Amy said. "Go on, just say it. What do you want in a guy?"

"I want him to have a sense of humor, but be able to be serious and have a serious conversation with me, and understand me, and not care when I'm being my usual dorky self. And I have to say, I hate when people show up late for anything."