Shades of White

Just friends

I looked down through the foggy windowpane into the night. I blinked, hoping that I was just seeking an illusion, but when my eyes opened again, I saw the same picture.

Bobby was standing in the sand, last bits of sunlight glinting off the ocean behind her, and Aaron was pressed up to her, his arms around her waist and his lips affixed to hers. I watched as she lifted her arms and pressed her palms to his chest. I couldn't stand to watch any longer, and I held my hands to my face and turned around, slumping back into the chair. I sat there silently for a few minutes before Dawn spoke.

"Ooo, Shaun, I'm sorry you had to see them...you know..." Dawn said, walking up next to me.

"Yeah. Hey, thanks for talking to me, but I've, uh, gotta go." I stood up, grabbed my keys, and rushed out of the room. I walked to the elevator and punched the button a little bit harder (okay, a lot harder) than necessary. As I waited, I stood in what my mom calls the 'Shaun is upset and thinking' pose. I put my right hand on my waist and my left hand over my eyes, leaning my head forward. I heard the ding as the doors opened and ignored the two girls who walked out, studying me intently as they passed by me. I stepped in and pressed the button for the lobby. The ride from the second floor to the first seemed to take forever, and it almost seemed as if the elevator was shrinking as I stood there alone. I hurried out when the doors parted and walked quickly to my car, pressing the 'unlock' button on my key ring. I stepped into my car and inserted the keys. As my car turned on, the radio turned on as well, but I was thinking too hard to register what song it was. I sat there thinking for a long time.

I love her. There might still be a chance for me to be with her.

Oh, give it up. She's with Aaron. She's only going to be my 'best friend.' Nothing more.

But I want so much more than that!

Well, that's too bad. I already ruined it when I said that I think we'll be best friends.

But I want to be with her.

Just give up. Move on. Forget about her.

But I have to be around her. I want to know everything about her.

But I'll only be her friend.

That's good enough. I just can't live without her. And maybe someday...

Don't even start with that. It'll just get my hopes up.

I decided that I needed to find an actual person to talk to. I pushed this conversation out of my mind and put the car in drive. As I pulled out of my parking space, I contemplated going home and talking to my mom, but I ruled out that option. I could try talking to Mason, but Danny would probably be there, and he would just tease me and tell me to find another girl to make me forget, and that was the last thing I wanted. Jesse wouldn't tease me like Danny would, but honestly he's not the best at relationship advice. I decided to drive the short distance to San Clemente to visit Ryan Sheckler. The kid's young, but he would understand and would try to help me. I rolled down my windows, turned up the volume on my radio, and pulled out of the parking lot.

"Hey, man, what's up?" Ryan asked after he opened the door.

"I...it's about Bobby." He nodded knowingly and stepped aside making room for me to walk into the house. I had e-mailed him and told him about Adam and about the feelings I had for Bobby, so he understood what an important topic this was for me. He closed the door behind me and we walked down the hall to the kitchen.

"So what about Bobby?" He asked, walking to the refrigerator. "You want something to eat or drink?" He asked, and I shook my head no as he took out a can of Coke. "Is it good news?" I dropped my head back to rest on the back of my neck.