"Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with one another."
~ Thomas Merton
***
It's been about a month and a half since I met Mac. I guess you could say that we're friends, even though everyone knows that I don't want to admit it. But it's not as if we already know one another's deepest darkest secrets, no we're not close enough for that. And even if we were, I still wouldn't tell him. I once asked him what his pills were for and he looked at me with his mischievous eyes and a squint,
"If I tell you then you have to tell me about yours." The corner of his mouth quirked up and I glared at him.
"Yeah nevermind." I told him and he chuckled at me. And that was that. Our deal is that if one of us shares a secret, the other has to share one of equal worth. So far, it's been shallow secrets. Like the time when I was in the store with my mom and I ate a grape that had fallen out of the package in the produce section. Or like the one he shared that included him as a toddler once laughing so hard he peed on his mom's lap.
Hayden has come to feel the need to tease us whenever we're around each other. Abbie and Mitch often laugh at us when we finish each other's sentences. Amelia always has a smile on her face when he and I converse and Caitlyn has decided to plaster hers with an "I told you so" look not just when I'm with Mac but 24/7.
My dad has grown accustomed to the fact that he is now a good friend of mine and even my mom has invited him to dinner on some occasions. Braiden and Mac have developed a sort of platonic bromance between them and most days when he comes over we spend hours playing video games the three of us. I've learned that he is a beast at playing Just Dance, which is ironic considering that Mac is one of the best baseball players on the field and a kick-ass red belt in martial arts. It's even more ironic considering that I'm the best of the three of us at every single Halo game we own, especially at Halo Reach. However, Mac likes to make me do Just Dance, knowing how competitive I am yet how utterly retarded I look when I try to beat him at his own game. The laughing usually ends though when I blow them to hell with my rocket launcher during Halo 3. That's what I call revenge.
The only thing that has evolved with our relationship in a sort of negative way is the amount of people who know who I am now. Our school is big but more or less, I've known most of my classmates since junior high. I shouldn't be so uncomfortable about all of a sudden being known. It was like this back with Jason, but I was different then. During eleventh grade, people seemed to have forgotten about me. I was back to being the one they knew about but ignored and kept walking. But since I met Mac, everything's changed. And not always in a good way.
I was bullied at my old school back in Arizona. I know how it starts. I know how it progresses to become just as bad as the books make it seem. But I don't know how it ends. Cause it never did before we moved. I've never known what it's like to be stood up for because I've always stood up for myself. Sometimes I wish I could be the same person I was. I wish I could. Because even though day after day I would find Tampax pads stained with red food coloring stuck to my locker, or having my gym clothes dunked in a toilet before PE. Or having my books, so many of my books being ruined because I was a dork. Because even though they thought it was funny to watch me plead and cry while they tore the pages out and dropped them in mud puddles. They thought it was funny when they snapped my glasses in half so I couldn't read until I got a new pair. I was stronger then than I am now. I didn't let all their shit get to me because I knew that one day it'd all be over. I don't now either but I have let people hurt me more than I could've even imagined as a middle schooler. If I am to ever go through that again, I don't know what I'll say or do.
