It was cold and rainy, and the frigid wind burned her skin. But she stood there, unwavering in the dark night air that wrapped itself around her like a blanket.
Gripping onto the railing of the bridge, she pushed herself up, one converse-clad foot followed by the other, until they both rested firmly on the top of the rail. Her blonde hair whipped around her and her blue eyes, icy like the stormy lake below, lit up with the crackle of lightning.
It's like a high, she thought to herself. She knew what that was like. She'd done bad things. Tattoos, drugs, alcohol, sex- she'd seen it all. The perks of being young and having a mother that never watched over you, one that never asked who was taking you out or who you were bringing home. Not that she was ever home anyways, so why would she care what her daughter did the many nights she was only, to distract herself from the empty house?
Meredith, you're seven years old, you should be able to stay home by yourself at night, she could hear her mother scold her.
Anyways, after the Alzheimer's diagnosis, it's not like it all mattered. The change happened slowly, then seemingly all at once- at first, it was just: where had she put her car keys? Then it was what her name was and what was she doing here. There were some times that Meredith just wanted to scream that she didn't know either, that she didn't know why she was in this situation.
But yelling at your mother who most likely never remembers your name, or her own for that matter, is typically frowned upon, so she didn't do that.
Instead, after registering her mother in a nursing home, Meredith tried to avoid visiting; but at the same time, she couldn't stay away. There was something vulnerable about her mother that Meredith had never seen before, and it itched at a corner of her heart.
But today had been a particularly bad day visiting Ellis, and Meredith needed to get away. Far away. So she came here, to a bridge with no particular resonance and stood on the top of the railing, with her hands gripping the poles by her sides so tight that her knuckles were white. In her head the day played on repeat, over and over.
"Meredith, is that you?" Ellis asked from the chair by the window. Her lips, as she was never one to smile, were pursed in a frown.
"Mother," Meredith replied softly, standing across from her.
"Why are you here? I didn't call for you," Ellis replied angrily. "Why are you here? Go back with your father, I have surgeries," she repeated.
"Mother," Meredith said again, but Ellis held up her frail, bony hand, ones that had opened doors for so many people through liver transplants and other procedures. But this time, it was as if she closed a door, and slammed it right in Meredith's face.
"Get out of here, Meredith!" she yelled, and began to scream. "I told you not to bother me when I'm working, why are you here?"
Why are you here, why are you here, why are you here? The words kept chanting over and over in her head.
"I don't know!" Meredith screamed into the air, and her voice carried over the water into the thunderstorm.
Her fingers started to slip from her grip on the metal as the rain poured down. She tipped precariously over the edge, then back again. Startled, she moved to grab the railing below her with one hand, but found herself falling forwards. She screamed again, this time a howl of fear. As she shut her eyes and braced herself for the impact on the waves that would surely kill her, she felt a hand grab at her waist and pull her back.
She found herself pressed against someone's chest, with strong arms wrapped around her. However, she was unable to be washed over by the relief of not tumbling to her untimely death by the fact that a man was holding onto her- was he going to hurt her? Take her away and lock her in his basement?
She opened her eyes and stared at the face of the man who had saved her. Warm blue eyes took her aback, and she found herself lost in them for a moment.
"Are you okay? Are you crazy? You could have died," the man panted, letting her go, and dusting off his coat.
"I, uh, didn't mean to fall. I was just- I just- I needed a break," she heard herself say, still lost in his dreamy eyes.
"A break from?" he raised his eyebrows.
The memory of her mother washed over her like a wave, and she felt herself come back.
"Reality." she stated, wishing she wasn't dripping wet and shivering and was instead wearing something far more attractive than her old high school hoodie and baggy jeans with rips in the knees.
The man smiled a little, and shrugged off his jacket.
"You look cold. Here, take this," he said kindly, draping it over her shoulders.
"Thanks, but-"
"I insist," he told her, still smiling his gleaming white grin.
"Thank you. For saving me. And your jacket, I can give it back to you sometime, if you want- if you don't, I mean, it's a nice jacket," Meredith rambled, cursing herself inside. "Anyway, thanks."
The man laughed and reached out his hand.
"All in a day's work," he said. "Derek, Derek Shepherd."
Meredith felt herself smile for what seems like the first time in forever.
"Meredith Grey," she laughed, and lost herself in his blue eyes again.
