Social Pariah

SOLITUDE

Lucas felt lonelier as the days passed. His head pounded with pain as he struggled to walk in the front steps of his school. Lucas had experienced a fever a day before but forced himself to go to school. He made a promise to her mother that he wouldn't skip another day of school and he didn't want to disappoint her by not attending class again.

Lucas was angry at the world for a moment. It seemed as though it was a nightmare in disguise for him. He first thought that he actually had a chance to be worthy for once but the skies had to ruin it for him. He ran across the hallway and went inside to his first class – English.

Lucas didn't hate English. What he hated was that every morning, their teacher would always ask all of them to share what they were feeling at the moment. Lucas didn't want to tell the truth. He hated opening up easily with burning passion. He longed for someone to understand him more than he understood himself. But such person never existed.

"I feel really good today, Miss Emily. Really good," he replied, smiling forcefully at his English teacher.

Lucas could feel the sarcasm dripping through every word he said. Lucas hated lying, he really did but he wasn't feeling truthful at the moment. He didn't trust his teacher and his peers. He trusted no one and it seemed as though he would never be able to trust anyone, not in his state of body and mind.

"I'm not depressed," he whispered. "I'm alright."

Lucas wanted to convince himself that everything was just a single phase of life, that he would feel happy once again. Unfortunately, even he couldn't convince himself to believe his thoughts. Being alone was like a black hole that's sucking through every fiber of your body, making you feel hopeless and helpless. Lucas didn't want to go to therapy. He didn't want to be called a freak or nobody. He wasn't alone.

"This is only temporary. I won't be alone forever," he said to himself as he trudged the footstep of the hallway to his next class, his unhappy solitude evident as ever in his mind and soul.