Social Pariah

TEARS

  Lucas didn't know what to do anymore. His thoughts became too overwhelming for him. It was a constant struggle between his beliefs and the beliefs of the people around him. If superiority was wrong in the world just like his father said, then why do people struggle to be at the top? If it wouldn't bring happiness, why do people keep trying to change who they were and became very successful?

"Could it be that he was wrong after all?" muttered Lucas.

He remembered the days when he used to be bullied by Kyle, when he was still a social outcast. Why did it come to that point? He couldn't remember a lot except for some blurry memories of him humiliating Kyle in front of the whole school. Still, was that enough for Kyle to despise him so much? Shouldn't Kyle have moved on now? he thought.

Reminiscing memories of his old life brought a feeling of nostalgia to Lucas and he couldn't help but sigh heavily as he lay on his bed. He could still see the memories of him and Kyle talking about a lot of diverse topics while he stayed at their house and of him and Namya debating about the best books they've ever read – not that Lucas loved reading but he did have a soft spot for it – or talking about school lessons and conspiracy theories.

He terribly missed that life and he knew that he couldn't live in denial. He still wasn't happy. No matter how hard he pretended he was, he still wasn't and this frustrated him further. If being who he was wouldn't make him happy and if changing who he was to fit in wouldn't make him happy either, then what would?

Lucas was struggling to understand what he did wrong to deserve this. He already apologized for what he did. He even gained friends and his reputation skyrocketed in school. Why is he feeling unhappy when he had no reason to feel it?

"Lucas, I'm going out for a few hours today and I might be back later in the evening. I know you have a shift at work later so I will bring the spare key with me. You already have breakfast downstairs."

"Yes, Mom, I'll eat. Just let me get ready for a while," Lucas replied.

Lucas heard the door downstairs close and he frowned. He was alone in the house again. He would still have to wait for lunch before his shift would start. In his opinion, it was a long wait and he didn't even know what to do while he was at the house so he decided to stay in bed for a while.

"Lucas, do you remember the way stars looked in the sky? Kind of like constellations," said Namya.

Lucas shook his head and frowned. "Why? What do you mean?"

Namya smiled sadly. "When people leave us, it hurts but we still have to consider something. Why did they leave us? Did we do something wrong?" She sighed. "We always live in denial, Lucas. We might say that we know who we are when in fact, we don't. We can't accept the fact that we're wrong and it's so painful that some people couldn't take it and just do things they wouldn't normally do."

"You mean suicide?" asked Lucas warily.

"Yes, but there are also other things that people do like take drugs, commit wrongdoings, bullying, and a lot of things that leads to dark results," replied Namya.

As Lucas replayed this memory back in his mind, he covered his face with his pillow. His sobs echoed in the room as tears slowly drip on the bed. Tears of pure sadness. Tears that he hid for so long.