Unexpected //Jack Gilinsky

Chapter 11

"Lexi! Oh my God you look bigger? Are you bigger?" my grandma yells, running over to me and pulling me into a giant hug.
"Oh grandma, I think she just got more tan." notes my cousin Sarah. It was so good to see all of them. But it was already Thursday, thanksgiving Thursday. That meant I was going home in a few days. I was both relieved and sad.
"Oh you two, I think Sarah is probably right I am tanner, but grandma you make a good point too! I could be gaining some weight. They feed you good there!" I joke around. Anyone around who heard laughed along with me and I achieved some warm smiles. I'd almost been nervous to see everyone again. I never really told anyone I was leaving, even though Eve and I had planned it and were dead serious our junior year of high school. I discussed it with my mom and that was it. Everyone else found out like, four days before I left. I don't even think I said goodbye to most of them. I just kind of hopped on the plane and left, had my belongings shipped to me. I was worried that people would be angry with me. I shouldn't have been worried though, my family was very understanding. I got out of Bend, I made a life for myself and they accepted that this wasn't where I wanted to spend my days. I was a free spirit, I wanted to live by the beach and have fun with friends all the time. It was probably reckless. I wasn't reckless though. I didn't drink, I did not partake in drugs. I'd like to think of myself as pretty innocent, or pretty self reserved for the most part.
"How do you like the warm weather in November?" asks my grandma, she had her sweet old lady smile planted on her face. Her smile lit up the room and no one near her could ever not smile if she was.
"I love it. I love it so much." I sigh. I actually missed it right now. Sure I hadn't been gone more than a couple days, but my family and I had been taking walks outside and it was so cold. The skies here were dark and it was snowing already, everything about it here made me want to get back to LA as soon as possible.
"How is Eve?" asks grandma. She loved Eve, everyone here did in fact. She'd been around for so long, she was family around here.
"She's doing good! She's got a good little job too and we both adjusted really well to being alone, it was a little hard at first because you know we were used to being home with our parents but soon it felt natural." I explain.
"I can't say I remember the feeling but I did once so that's saying something!" my grandma says, throwing her fist up in the air. I admired my grandma a lot too. My mom was so amazing because my grandma raised her to be like that, and over the years my grandma had given me some really good advice. It didn't matter if I came to her with boy trouble, school trouble or even if I just had a hard time picking out my outfit. She would always listen very closely and offer me some kind of solution to my problem. She was very wise.
"It feels weird being here now and like, having a suitcase full of clothes. Like you know, I used to have my own room and everything and it's been so eye opening to be here as a guest." I say. Sarah and my grandma both nod.
"You aren't a guest though, this is still your home. Always will be sweetheart." says my grandma, patting me on the shoulder.
"Yeah." Sarah agrees, nodding enthusiastically. I smile and nod my own head slightly.
"I better go see if your mom needs help cooking anything, don't be shy!" my grandma excuses herself. I smile widely at her and turn to Sarah.
"Okay, where is Grace? I have shit to tell you guys." I say. Grace and Sarah were the two girl cousins closest to my age. Sarah was seventeen and Grace was sixteen.
"She's not here yet, but do tell me." pleads Sarah.
"Okay okay, come here. Come somewhere quiet, I don't want everyone hearing." I say. Her eyes get wide and curiosity fills them like rain clouds fill the sky in the spring. I start from the very beginning, Starbucks. I tried my absolute best not to dramatize anything, I wanted everything to be one hundred percent ethnic. I kind of felt like I told this story so much because I wanted people to know. Did I want people to know that I knew well known people? Yes, I guess I really did. But I didn't want anyone to think that I was telling it for attention. Teenage girls told juicy gossip, and I was just gossiping about myself. Maybe it was dangerous to be doing so when the people involved were famous, but to my family? No one in this house would care enough about what I'm saying to try and find some media to inform about these mishaps. So I started the story with Starbucks and ended it with the text messages I got from Jack. She was as confused as I was.
"It sounds like he just wants to be friends again?" Sarah guesses.
"Yeah but. I mean..how? How can he just-ugh! I just want him to be like, 'Oh do you still want to be with me offers on the table' and then some part of me wants him to keep our friendship just as that and I can just be with Matthew or something." I sigh. Sarah nods her head understandingly. If she even could understand.
"I think you should just let Jack be. Don't even get too close to him, he's collateral damage. I'd think so at least. Matthew sounds like such a sweet guy, give him a chance. Maybe you don't want to be with him, but maybe he's just exactly what you need to get over Jack." Sarah suggests. Maybe she was right. I had nothing against being with Matt really. Nothing was holding me back. Except for the fact that I was in love with some boy whom I had never been with romantically before. I didn't even know him for more than three weeks before I realized it. Before I turned him down. Maybe that was exaggerating, I didn't remember anymore.
"Maybe you're right. I should just go for it. At least try it out with Matt. That's not going to hurt anything. I really like Matt as a friend though, what if me just testing the waters by dating him hurts our friendship?" I worry.
"If that's the case, if you try it out and don't like it then let him down easy. He sounds like a really, really understanding dude." Sarah concludes. I nod my head. I know she was right, I just didn't know if I should let myself do this. There was nothing bad about Matt. Really, nothing. He was thoughtful, and he liked all the same movies as me and he loved to sing in the car too. We actually had hung out a lot in the last month, and I really didn't mind his company. I didn't mind it all all, I really enjoyed it. I laughed a lot when he was around, and I smiled the whole time. Then I felt myself smiling right then. That's when I knew. Maybe I had feelings for Jack, or maybe I kept telling myself I had feelings for him even when I didn't. I definitely had feelings for Matthew.