My Beautiful One

32. Perpetual valediction

When the parchment with Jonathan's plans on it was secure in my pocket, I thanked my father for his time and turned to leave. I thought that now he'd payed his price and given me some confusing could-be-useless-but-because-he's-a-faerie-I-can't-be-sure advice about the war, I'd be allowed to go.

I wanted to get back as soon as possible, but when the father you previously thought didn't care whether you lived or died suddenly has something to say to you that isn't purely business, it's probably a good idea for you to listen.

"You have grown up well, Amari." He said. "You remind me of your mother, though I am pleased to see some of myself in you as well."

I didn't really know what to say, so I just nodded in thanks and contemplated his words.

I look like my father the way Sebastian looks like Jocelyn. I thought as I scrutinised him and tried to pick out similar features. He looks so much like Valentine, you wouldn't think he could be anything like this mother, but there is a little bit of resemblance.

"I am under the impression that you misunderstand my motives." Acer Silverdown said, regarding me just as intensely as I was looking at him. "We all have our obligations, and I was obligated to stay with the Court. From what I see of you, you must understand this."

But I didn't. I shook my head quickly and moved a little closer to the door, not wanting to hear my father's attempt at excuses.

"I will clarify, then." He said. "You must understand the power of obligation, because if you didn't, you wouldn't be asking for war plans. If you were here only to collect for your own debt, you may have asked for answers from me, or a higher place in faerie society. It is only because you now have loyalty to the Shadowhunters that you feel obligated to help them in their war."

"But it isn't their war." I told him, confused. "It's everybody's war."

He just shook his head, inky black strands falling over his bright silver eyes. "No it isn't, but I will elaborate no more, for you must find this out for yourself. Nevertheless, I am proud of you. You are a true Silverdown, Amari."

I could have gotten irritated by what he'd said about it not being everybody's war -surely if the world got burned down, every living being would know about it- but I didn't. Even though I didn't really know my father, I was happy that he was proud of me, and simply smiled at him.

"Thank you, father." I said, and then opened the door. As I stood in the doorway, I turned to look at him and said, "May the Angel watch over you."

Acer Silverdown smiled back at me. "What a Shadowhunter you have become. I suppose I must now say... ave atque vale?"

"That's for when we die, father."

"In that case a simple goodbye will suffice." He said, and when he'd said goodbye and we'd bowed our heads in the customary faerie way of saying farewell, I left the room. Just as I was about to turn a corner into a new corridor, I heard him sigh and say, "I hope that was not our final valediction." before the door shut and the only sounds I could hear were the quick footsteps of Meliorn, who met me at the corner and walked me out of the Court.

The moment I was back in Manhattan, I started thinking about the meeting with my father I'd just had. First, I started small, thinking about the similarities between me and my father.

Honestly, I didn't think we were very similar, and at least not physically. I look more like my mother, with her fair hair and blue-green eyes, though I did see a little bit of myself in the tall, slender build, the curling eyelashes, the silver-streaked hair of Acer Silverdown as well. I knew that he must not be all that bad, because my mother had fallen in love with him, after all, but somehow I hoped that my demeanor, my non-physical traits, were mine alone. I felt that I'd earned the right to have my own inner-self, because Acer Silverdown and Ivy Blackthorn, my parents, had never really been such a large part of my life, though that was in no way their fault.