My Beautiful One

11. Let me go

"This is really good..." I murmured, swirling the deep crimson wine around in its glass. Sebastian, through bribery, use of my curious streak, and even (I reluctantly admit) the devastatingly-adorable look of loss that he'd had every time I asked to leave, had managed to make me stay for a little while. At first I'd been standoffish because he was a stranger, and I stranger I had only minutes before thought had killed my best friend, at that. But the wine had calmed my mind a little when he managed to persuade me it wasn't poisoned, and Sebastian was a very interesting person to talk to.

"So do you think I'll go to hell?" I asked. We were both sitting on the sofa, and the more wine we drank, the closer we came together.

One more glass of this stuff, and I'll be sitting on his lap. I thought, and almost giggled.

"It depends on your view." Replied Sebastian, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table in front of us. "Those of the Shadow World that believe you get to heaven through how much seraphic ancestory you have would say yes. In fact, from what you've told me about your heritage, you have more angelic blood in you than average Shadowhunters. Maybe even as much as your little angel-boy Jace."

My slightly-drunken mind made me smile foolishly and shake my head. "Not my little angel-boy. He's engaged to Clary now."

Immediately Sebastian stiffened and his fist clenched until his knuckles turned white. He looked like he'd just suddenly had the world pulled out from under him, but my dulled thoughts didn't see any kind of connection, and I just wrote it off as shock at such a young couple. He stayed still for almost a minute, and I got impatient.

"But what if heaven is judging you on your good deeds?" I asked, and pulling on Sebastian's sleeve to get his attention. "Sebastian?" And as if my words had tugged him back to reality, his eyes unclouded and he turned quickly to look at me with a weird half-smile on his face.

"I'm pretty sure I'd have to get you drunker than this to know what naughtiness would bar you from heaven." He said, eyes twinkling in the dim lighting.

I actually laughed in earnest- an unusual event, even when drunk. "You're right about that."

"You're funny, Amari." He mused, reaching a hand over and tweaking a lock of my hair. The action brought a memory to mind, but I couldn't quite recall it.

Something to do with... beauty. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to concentrate, but nothing came, so I opened my eyes to see Sebastian staring at me with an almost frightening intensity.

"Did you remember something interesting?" He asked, sounding like he was attempting a nonchalant tone, but just seeming urgent. I shook my head quickly, and stared back with questioning eyes. In apparent answer, his expression relaxed and he draped an arm around my shoulder.

"I'm glad you're staying." Sebastian said.

The action and those words set off alarm bells in my head, and I hastily scooted out of his loose hold on me and got to my feet. I guess even my drunk mind wouldn't let me be embraced by a stranger.

"I'm not staying, Sebastian." I told him, sounding puzzled. "It's been great talking to you, but I have to go."

"Go?" Sebastian rose from the couch. "Why? I thought you wanted to stay a while."

I shook my head. "As nice as you and your house are, I have important things to do."

"What important things?" His tone was starting to make me feel a little guilty, but I refused to be swayed, and looked back at him defiantly.

"You said you're on the winning side of the war, right? I am too, and I'm playing a very important part in it. I'm going to help assasinate Jonathan Morgenstern."