F U C K B O Y ; J G

s i x

There was really no sense of stability in their relationship. Remy loves Jack, she knows she does,  but there's things she is not sure about. The six years they spent apart. Allowing new growth, new perspectives, and most importantly maturity. Remy changed, she grew up, she  still hasn't found out what she is going to do in her  life but here she is jumping into marriage. Maybe what she's  doing is irrational. Maybe she have no idea what she is truly doing. But only time will tell. They know not of how bad this will turn out or how good. But they know what ever is being done in the dark is bound to be brought to the light. Whether if it's how they truly feel or our demise. Last night had been a blur and all Remy could remember were distant images of Jack kissing her. Love. How strong is it? Could it endure the journey of six years and still hold a spot for someone whom we had left in the past for so long? Love was just a four letter word linked with emotions people tied to it. Love was just a statement, a noun, and a verb. Love was a word people had made up to express their emotions in one word. That's why it's so strong, a word full of other emotions, too many to name. Love was pain. Love was hurt. Love was forgiving. Love in unreasonable. Love was opening your mind and soul to someone sharing, merging your lives into one. Getting used to their presence, getting used to their effortless beauty.

What love without meaning? What's love without lust? People pair the two different words lust and love to try and combine the two. Buy like magnets they repell. You cannot have love if all you feel is lust. You cannot lust if there is no love. You should not need it. To love is to love the soul, the imperfect  perfection of our human nature. The blind decisions we make based off this four letter word. What is it with four letter words? What makes it so that we entrust it with describing our feelings? Love. The feeling it emits. The warmth in your chest, the tingling in your stomach. The peacefulness in your mind. The reassurance. The serenity.

As strong as this word was, it wasn't strong enough.

  "Matt, I got something to wear for tonight. Hey maybe we can find a lucky girl for you" Remy laughed.

"Who wouldn't want a hunk like me" Matthew flipped the glasses down on his face and raised his eyebrows up and down.

"You sure Jack doesn't wanna come? It would be nice to meet him you know, he's your husband after all" Matt reminded Remy.

"No its fine, he's been pretty busy" Remy said. Jack had cut out a few hours ago, going to move some stuff into their home. But realistically she knew he didn't wanna go.

"Come on, let's go" Remy said realizing she was drifting away into her thoughts for too long.

+
The atmosphere was great, despite the stuffy room, the heat emitting off people's bodies, the guys at the bar desperately looking for a woman to buy a drink for. It was fun. The feeling, the music vibrating through me. The smiles on everyone's face as the danced it the dark room. Remy loved it.

Matt laughed and nudged Remy, "Come on, we didn't come just to look!"

Matt pulled Remy toward the dance floor, grabbing her hands and flailing about. The both laughed and danced to a song they both didn't know.

It was fun to let loose, she felt so tense the past few days.

It was honestly a blessing to have Matt as a friend, he brought out a different side of her. She was care free with him, she was careless.

"Woooooooh" Matt yelled along with the music.

"Let's go get some drinks"

+

By now the were both ass drunk stumbling everywhere, laughing at the most ridiculous things.

  "Matt shhhhhh- shhhhhh shut the fuck up. We're loud. My fucking neighbors or Jack or somebody is gonna hear" Remy burped, her a Matt laughing hysterically.

"That was loud" Matt laughed again, him and Remy now sitting in the car after the hit up the Jack n the box drive thru.

"Y'know something Matthew," Remy started "you're the best, really. I appreciate the shit you do for me"
She slurred.

"I - I-I'm glad you think that because I'm glad we're fucking friends to man. I just- you're just so fucking amazing man. You're so cute and sweet. You make me forget all the bullshit I've been through" Matt confessed.

They sat in front of Remy's apartment in the car eating and talking for hours.

"Matt you make me feel like I can forget, I can really let loose and enjoy everything. I really love you man"

The drunk mistakes were their sober thoughts. They cared deeply for eachother. Just not confident enough to admit it. The liquor gave them the confidence to do so.

"You remind me s much of her, but better. Do you remember when I told you that? You kind of kept me up and gave me some goddamn hope man" They both expressed their sober feelings in the drunk state of minds.

" You're special to me babe, and I really hope we can stay this close forever" Matt said.

And swiftly, Matt leaned over. Remy too compelled by the liquor to resist. She leaned over as well.

And their lips met.

And for a brief moment. It was the best Remy had ever felt.

The rest of the night was a blur.