No one is sure what the term 'love' really is. It's something us as humans created to justify and put a name to a sensation we feel toward someone. Love is nothing but pain. A pain we've acquired a liking of when it's in our favor. Love is feeling like your diving head first down a rollercoaster and your stomach is sinking when you touch that person, Love is staying up at random hours thinking of them, love is crying because you might lose them. Love is a burn in your chest. But that burn is fire, fire that fuels you to keep loving. Loving is falling in love free falling hoping they feel the same way. To love is to feel pain. It's just on who you think it's worth feeling for. Love is not nice, love is the true,blunt, hurtful, and straight forward. Love is the emotion we created but something we can't get rid of once it's felt. It's become mentally apart of you. Love has become apart of your body's makeup, love has become a code in your body you know too well. It's so persuasive, it's encouraging, it's fearless, and bold. That's why when you've been treated so poorly and love given out isn't replaced you feel immense pain. It feels as if physically you are hurt, physically you cannot move on, because mentally and emotionally you are broken. The toll it has taken on you far from any physical pain you've ever endured. It's a void, an empty void in your chest, a missing puzzle piece, and glass now half full. How will you ever refill it? If love is a feeling how come we can't just over come it or stop feeling it once they aren't around? Because love is more than that. Love has turned into a permanent thing surrounding someone's presence and their very being. Now whenever you think of them the love hurts because you know it will not be returned. Now when ever you see them you'll rot from the inside seeing that they will never care back. Now you have heartbroken nights, crying yourself to sleep with only their memories of when they used to love you. So angry that you took advantage of it.
Love is difficult. But it can all be so simple if it is felt on both ends and known. If only it was so easy to let go. Remy would have already done so long ago, and let Jack slip away. But love is selfish, it wants what it wants even if it's short term.
There is no love growing between the two. There is no true feeling. The facade of being in love is applied to cover her true pain. Her pain she dealt with years ago when Jack left her. Her love for him had been long gone. Well to rephrase, her being in love with him had diminished. She cared for him, no longer in that manner. She wants to end it all with Jack but that feels like giving up to her. Remy knows she's worth way more and is very aware that the pain would all be over if she left. Sometimes holding on is a double ended sword. But fear. Fear of never being in love again clouds her mind pushing her away from doing what's best and pushing the sword deeper into her heart.
+
Remy had been sitting in the living room watching Law and Order: SVU when Jack finally rolled out of bed. Groaning he sat next to her, his head on shoulder. Scrunching his eyebrows down and eyes closed he mumbled "Ugh what time is it?"
Remy looked down at her phone. Sighing she breathed the numbers out, "3:45 in the afternoon". Locking her phone she continued watching tv. "You were still shit faced so I called your job and told them you couldn't come in today because you were sick. You're boss seemed really understanding" she added. "You called my job? I was still gonna go in" Jack whined, his hand pressing his temple. "Jack I tried to wake you up four times. You got up once and tried to pee in the closet. Take the day off get some rest" Remy chuckled. Truth is this irritated her. Jack has been being really inconsiderate lately. It feels like babysitting a grown man. "I have work at 4:30 so I'm gonna get out of here" Remy sighed sliding Jack's head off of her shoulders.
As Remy gathered her things and headed for the door to say by she bit her tongue because like he was the entire day, Jack had fell back to sleep.
+
Remy works at a bar in town called the Avenue in Albany. "Hey Jimmy" Remy smiles as she clocked in. Jimmy was a nice guy. Tall, sweet, caring. He had been working there way longer than Remy. He was the person their boss peter assigned to train her. From then on they were pretty good friends.
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"Hey Remy, hows your day going" he asked as he clocked in as well. Remy rolled her eyes dramatically, "Shit, you wanna know how bad? Coming to work was the best thing I've done all day" Jimmy laughed and shook his head, "Well it's gonna be worse here, should be a pretty slow day it is Tuesday" he groaned putting the apron on and heading to the bar area.
And like he said. It was a slow day.
+ Remy and Jimmy had stayed til the end of everyone's shifts cleaning and what not. "You want some wings? I'll clean the pots back out after, I'm starving" Jimmy offered. "Yes please!" Remy smiled back.
By now it was about 10:00 o'clock at night. Figuring Jack was still dozed from the night before, Remy just sent him a simple text. "Staying at work a little longer tonight, try not to miss me or mess up the apartment whore ;)"
Minutes later Jimmy came back out with wings and fries on a platter. "Forgive me I made them earlier, so if somethings over cooked I was rushing so Peter wouldn't chew my ass out about cooking on the job" Jimmy joked.
"As hungry as I am right now, Jimmy I don't give a shit give me a wing please" Remy laughed taking a buffalo wing off the platter.
"Soooo, whos the girl that comes to pick you up every Thursday! Why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend!" Remy tried at conversation.
"Lola? That's my cousin" Jimmy laughed, "she goes to school up the street and we live in the same neighborhood so she drops me off home. I'm still on the market" Jimmy finished downing the rest of his beer he poured.
"What about you? I remember you telling me about some guy, what's his name again? James? Geez I'm terrible with names"
"Jack, haha his name is Jack" Remy corrected.
"We're still together, everything's......okay I guess it could be a lot better" Remy felt comfortable around Jimmy. He's very genuine and really listens to her.
"Like there's days where I can't see myself without him. Then there's lots of times where I want nothing but to get away from him. Like I-"
