c'est nous (m.w)

realizations (1)

- Edward's.

I have been pacing back and forth in the living room, waiting for Marco's reply to my last sent chat a few hours ago. I have been both worried and anxious, not knowing what I should do. In the midst of the holiday season, here I am completely not feeling the Christmas spirit, even though there are a few cheery decorations hanging around our humble abode. The tree lit up with beautiful and colorful lights. The air is a little bit colder now, perfect for the season. But still, not one could uplift my gloomy and worried spirit. Especially when it involves Maymay. 

Marco sent me a chat too early in the morning, I would've ignored it, but I have this feeling that it was important and so I checked it. And there I was, suddenly awake at 3 o'clock in the morning, not a usual thing for me, because of his sudden news about Maymay. Said she was sick and was rushed to the hospital. I was stoned for a moment, of course, but a series of other chats from our friends woke me up to the cold realization that my twin is sick. My Maymay is sick. 

All the while, the others are also informing me about her condition and how she was rushed to the hospital. Updating me about what was happening, hence making me more worried than I was before. Vivoree, Aizan, Fenech, Christian, Kristine, and Yong were practically flooding me with all their own updates, personal versions and comments about what was happening.

It was both annoying and funny at the same time. 

The frustrating thing is I am halfway around the world and I couldn't do anything to make her feel better. Much worse, I am not by her side anymore. I literally can't do anything because I am thousands of miles apart from her. How could I be calm with the thought of her going through such pain all while being too far away from me? This sucks. Being away from her sucks. 

Of course, I've sent a thousand of chats on her messenger, even if I knew she couldn't read it or respond to it. It's just that I'm too desperate to know if she's going to be fine. I'm too desperate for her to assure me that she is going to be fine, or God so help me I will fly all the way from Germany to be there for her. I have messaged all her close relatives to, trying to find a word with her condition, and even Tita Lorna have video-chatted me all the way from Japan just to assure me that she will be fine, as said by Lola Ludy, but I won't rest my case until I talk to her. 

Until I see her angelic smile. Until I hear her harmonious laugh. Until I see her well.

Well. Maybe I'm just really missing her and I'm just finding the right excuse to be talking to her, or to be seriously flying all the way to the Philippines without being too obvious. But maybe, I'm just feeling too lost without her near me. Without having to laugh my ass off with her perks. 

I'm too lost without her. 

And now things have gone worse, with her getting sick and at the hospital without me being there for her - I couldn't function properly. And in addition to that, I couldn't just waltz my way to Philippines without having to spend too much. I would, but being the great person that she is, she would punch me if I told her I'll stay with her than be in Germany, and of course, she would instill values and scold me for being too stubborn. My typical twinnie. Always good.