c'est nous (m.w)

can i?

- Edward's.

I stare at her for a good couple of controlled minutes then I looked away. For some reason, I am cautious whenever I stare or look at her, scared that she would see what I really feel for her in my eyes. Terrified, even - to know if she will reciprocate the longing I have for her. I restrained myself for looking at her too long, or smiling at her too wide. For once, I am now weighing the consequences of my actions. For once, I'm being too careful about what I am going to do. 

The reckless thing I have ever done was going fast with Heaven, and it didn't end well - nor would I want it to be. Heaven and the feeling I felt for her back then was a mistake I would never commit again. This time, I'm promising myself that I would take baby steps first, instead of rushing into relationships. This time, it'll be serious. I know this is serious. 

I took a glance at her again and heaved a deep sigh. 

I know too well how I'm falling for her, how deep I am getting myself and her into. In addition to that, our fans are getting too suspicious - all their guesses are all in the right direction. The fans' predictions are all true, even if he's been in denial about it. Of course, he wouldn't want to scare her with his sudden feelings. But I am too damn sure that she will know it soon because in some cases, my actions are betraying my thoughts. I was getting too obvious.

And so, the fans are starting to become mental. But I would know some will start to faint if I confessed my feelings - my true feelings - to her. So to avoid being the cause of death of some of our fans, I decided to just settle in what we have for the mean time. Besides, we smacked in the middle of a chaotic industry, I wouldn't want to confess to her and let our relationship be public.

There are a lot of haters and people who would criticize our relationship, and I wouldn't want her to get hurt because of it. And of course, I am still concerned for the other fans that would get heart-broken about our relationship. But on the other hand, I want her to be just mine. 

She is just mine and nobody else's. 

I sighed. If it wasn't for the world we are in now, I would've just kissed her then and there so that people would just back off. I have to admit, there are a lot of celebrities - boys, mostly - that are fond of her, and it's hard eyeing them and indirectly telling them to back off. As the fans call it, 'bakod' - yes, binabakuran ko nga. Sometimes the fans are just spot-on when it comes to my body language. Here I am silently wishing they wouldn't say it for me - I want to personally tell her when I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally ready. 

I heard her distant laugh, I looked up to see her laughing with Yong. 

Yong was good. When Marco left the house, I grew close with Yong and felt the need to share the thoughts I have been having regarding her. He knew how much doomed I am, how I am deep down the rabbit hole with the 'feelings' I have been having for her. 

Of course, the interviews didn't help me at all. 

I have been itching to tell them, to tell the world how I really feel for her, but I needed to keep calm and answer it in a very 'showbiz' kind of way, so that everyone would know it already. So that I wouldn't have to warn guys who are hovering around her. So that people would know when to back off, because she is mine. She's mine. Even though she doesn't know it yet. 

All I want is for her to notice that things are changing between us. For her to know just a little bit that my feelings for her is not a joke and it'll never be a joke. For her to know how much I have been dying to let her know that she is mine and she'll never be Tanner's! - Just kidding. 

And that 'she' is no other than the girl who is waving at my face at the moment.

"Huy, Edward!" She said, now tugging at my arm. 

I shook my head and sighed for - the nth time. "Yes, Maymay?"

"Halika na daw, practice na!" She held my hand and pulled me off the chair I was sitting in. I tried to keep my chill but I suddenly felt my cheeks burn. I jokingly cursed at Maymay for making me feel all giddy about her. She is definitely going to be the death of me. 

As I stare at her again, I internally asked her.

Can you be my girl? Can I say you're mine?