Run

Part One

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Copyrighted. © (2018)

Run (previously called Runaways of Middleborough) is a Three Part book in a Three Book Series known as the First Love Series.

Book One: Run: The Father (Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3)
Book Two: Splinters: The Son (Part 1 and Part 2)
Book Three: Keep in Happiness: The Best Friend

Book One posted. (Slow updates)
Book Two posted and finished. 
Book Three not posted. 

You do not need to read the books in order. 

...

Book One: Run

The Father

Part One: Just Us

What exactly can you tell a kid? 

What do you tell a kid when he asks you about your childhood? What do you say when the truth is that you have a bad history? What do you say when their friends have grandparents but your kid doesn't, when your kid's mother leaves with no explanation and no last words for him to reflect on? What do you do? What can you say?

Do you lie? Do you avoid the answer? Do you say the truth?

There are things you just can't admit, things that should stay quiet, things you don't want them to know. But still, they need an answer, some kind of answer. It doesn't really matter what, just something to make it somewhat better than the curiosity. 

I always felt there were two options: you either sugar coat everything or you lie. You can't just say, "Oh, you have a grandfather, but he's in prison." You can't just say, "Your mother left because she wanted something else, not us." You can't tell a kid that, no matter how true it is.

My son always asked questions like those. They were important questions. They were questions that deserved answers. There were days where I wanted to say it all, moments where the words almost fell off my tongue, but I always figured I'd have time to tell him when he's older, when he's more mature. I wish our lives had turned out that way.

My son deserved the truth, and he still does, but I never had the decency to tell him. I wish I was the one to have given him that. I wish I was there to explain all the wrongdoings I did, to tell him the stories of my life, and to tell him why his mom did what she did. But our time was cut short and I will never be given the opportunity to explain.

I will always regret that. I will always regret taking the time we had together for granted.

I saw myself in my son. I saw the brokenness and the vulnerability I used to have. I wanted to keep my son away from all that. I wanted to make sure he had a better life than me. I failed.

There are so many things I wish I could tell him. I wish I could say I'm sorry because he deserves that much. Then, I'd tell him I love him, I always have and I always will. He'll forever be my boy.

I just hope, wherever he's at, that he's okay, and that all the shit I did to him doesn't phase him. But... That's a lost cause, isn't it? Of course this shit will mess him up. Of course he'll grow up wondering what possibly happened in the room he wasn't allowed to be in at our apartment or where his mom wandered off to. Of course he'll grow up with regret, pain, suffering, and anger. Why wouldn't he? Did I ever spare him from it? Did I ever save him from any of it? 

No. I didn't. 

All those years where I thought I was protecting him and his mother... Were they all for nothing? Were they all an illusion of a family I thought I'd created, of a family I thought I deserved? Were all the sleepless nights working and the drunken fights between men I barely knew, were they just for show? Just to tell myself that this all happened for the sake of my family? For the girl who gave me my son, the one thing I've ever been proud of? Was it all an excuse? 

The question that always gets me is: were we really in love? And with that question comes a multitude of others. Were all the 'I love you's,' and the nights we spent together, the times we snuck out and the whole reason we left Massachusetts... Were they all a mistake? A lie?

I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know where I am, or what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how to make any of this better. I don't know how to save my son, or even myself. 

If this is what was supposed to happen all along, if this is what I was destined for... At least I deserve it. And at least... I'm not surprised. I'll just do what I do best. I'll run away from it all.

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Finally. Let's delve into the life of Brayden's father, shall we?