Run

Part One | 17

Chapter 17

"Once I thought I had my shit together and that everything was gonna work out, some bullshit happened. I remember... There was this one night... I don't know how long it had been since I started gambling, but it must've been a little while after. I don't know, it doesn't matter. But I'll never forgive myself for what happened. To this day, I still have nightmares about it. I still let myself think about what could've happened."

...

By the time Christmas rolled around, I was taking in a much larger income than I had imagined. Yeah, I wasn't at home at night often, but it was worth it. Marie didn't pester me either. In fact, she felt a little bit more at ease knowing that I was somehow bringing in more cash.

She and I hadn't celebrated Christmas because with more money, I was able to pay off our hospital bills and buy some necessities like diapers, clothes, and even a crib. Even though I felt financially prepared, or at least more prepared, I couldn't help but think that I really had no idea what I was doing. Literally.

"Is this weird?" Marie asked me as I assembled the bottom of the crib.

"Huh?" I mumbled. How does this piece... fit into this one? It can't go there because the instructions say... I sighed.

"This," she continued, as if the single word made complete sense to me. "Us being here."

I glanced over my shoulder, raising an eyebrow. "In our apartment?" 

"No," she giggled, and for a minute, I relished in how cute it was. Marie never giggled. Even now, it felt too girly for her. "In New York City. About to have a baby." 

It was weird. That was for sure. Sitting here, assembling a baby's crib that unfortunately doesn't look all that stable right now, is still something I'm trying to get used to. Soon, real soon, I'll be a father. I'd never tell Marie, but recently I've been having dreams, and for some reason in my head I always see a girl rather than a boy. As weird and stupid as it seems, I'm not really sure if I'm ready for a girl... and all that stuff. 

"Yeah, it's pretty crazy," I said awkwardly.

"We still haven't figured out a name," she pointed out, and I could literally see her putting her hands on her hips, even with my back to her. 

"You're right," I said, finally managing to fit the bottom pieces together. Now I can start on the other side. 

"How about Hayden?"

I laughed. "No."

"Come on, Bryson. Every name I give you, you shoot down. What name do you want?"

"I don't know," I sighed, dropping the pieces and turning to her. "Something... unique."

"Hayden's not unique?"

I gave her a flat look. "I work with a Hayden."

"Just because you work with some guy named Hayden doesn't mean it's taken."

I ignored her. "How about... Bryan?"

She frowned. "Bryan?"

"Bryan's a good name."

"No."

"Okay, then Brighton."

She crossed her arms and kept quiet for a while. "Do you want to name the baby after yourself?"

"What? Of course not!" I denied, turning back to the crib.

"You do, don't you."

I shook my head. "No. Not at all."