The Girl With The Silver Eyes

Chapter 23

Peeta

"So how did it all happen?" I ask Katniss. She looks at me with a confused expression.

"What do you mean?" She asks. "I did it for you. I've told you too many times to count."

"I mean how did you end up in the situation you got yourself into," I say.

"I got myself into?!" She asks holding her hand to her chest. "Peeta, you had as much a role if not more in me getting me pregnant at 17 than I did."

"Just, how did this all end up to you living in the middle of nowhere hiding from me?" I ask and she shakes her head.

"I found out about three weeks before Prim died," she says. "And I told her the day before I lost her. She wanted me to tell you, but I knew I couldn't let you quit school. Not after how hard you worked to get into that school and prove your mother wrong. A pregnant girlfriend would have been the icing on the cake for her. So when I started to show, I broke up with you and got the hell out of there before any word could have gotten to you."

She stops for a moment and clutches her glass with her delicate long fingers and takes a swig. She walks over to her bed in the corner and sits. I hesitantly follow her and sit next to her. She looks down at her glass as she continues.

"The lady who lives down in the house, she found me at the bus stop, offered me a job as her maid but she damn near took care of me better than my real mom. Gave me this apartment on a dime and in my opinion, that sweet woman is all the grandmother my daughter will ever need.

"My pregnancy was normal, or I guess as normal as it could be on my own. I got false contractions constantly for the last two weeks, but I tried not to let it show. But I had a really hard time, even with having all that practice I didn't necessarily enjoy." She glances at me and then looks up at the ceiling.

"It took me until I couldn't stand anymore before I realized what was happening," she says with tears in her eyes. "And, I reached down and felt her head trying to come out. I somehow managed to drag myself over to the couch and gave birth to her leaning against it over what I think was about four or five hours. "

"By yourself?" I ask. She nods.

"I could barely get to the couch, much less a phone. Sae, the lady downstairs, she found me with our daughter clutched to my chest, still attached to me. She helped clean everything up and calmed me down after I started to get over the shock of what had happened," she says. "I'm still terrified of children, of having children again after all that. The way all that happened to me added to my fear that much more and I kept her at first purely because after going through all that pain and agony, I wasn't going to give away the one good thing I got out of it."

"And after that?" I ask.

"Fell in love with her," she says. "Every single little thing about this red, wrinkled little alien creature that relied on me for everything, was just perfect. Although, you being her father did seem to draw a lot of that love out of me." She looks down. "She made me miss you a lot sometimes. Like I told you, she has a lot more of you in her than those baby blues."

"Like what?" I ask. She leans over to her bedside table and opens the drawer. She pulls out a stack of drawings and hands them to me. The first one is a sunflower with a lot more shading in it than you would expect from a young child, even if you can tell that she hasn't quite developed her ability to hold the crayon properly to get even straight lines. The others are similar, beautiful in their own way and I feel a draw to them knowing that it is the strokes of my daughter's tiny hand that made these pictures.

"She draws?" I ask. Katniss nods, smiling.

"I can barely keep a scrap of clean paper around," she says. It's absolutely doomed if Dani gets her hands on it. She also sleeps better with her windows open. She has nightmares sometimes when she doesn't have that." I glance at Katniss and she stares at me nervously. "Are you alright?"

"I really, I just don't know what to say," I whisper.

"I don't think I would know either," she says. "A child, a four year old just thrown at you like this, it's a lot to try to figure out." Her eyes are dark, full of concern and glittering with unshed tears. I reach out and cautiously touch her cheek. Our eyes meet and we both lean in.

I feel her soft lips meet mine and it's like we never left home. It's that night by the lake, when I finally got the courage to ask her to be mine and only mine. She suddenly pulls away and breaks the spell.

"We can't," she gasps. "We can't do this right now." She stands, pulling further away from me.

"Why not?" I ask. "The feeling is still there. We both know that." She shakes her head.

"We don't know each other anymore," she says. "We have to think about our daughter. You don't even know her and aren't sure if you want to. I can't jeopardize her because of what I may think I feel."

"But I do want to meet her Katniss," I say. "Not right away, but in time, I want to know my daughter. I already missed out on four years of her life, on getting to raise her with you like I dreamed." She looks down and a tear slips down her cheek.

"But if this doesn't work," she says.

"If it doesn't work, at least we will never have to wonder what if," I say. "I've had too many what ifs in my life Katniss Everdeen." She looks at me and I reach out my hand to her. She steps to me and I feel her arms around me, tight as though she's afraid I'll disappear. I try to loosen my grips little but her hands grip my shoulders tighter.

"Don't you dare let me go," she says and I can hear the tears in her voice. If you want to hold me again, don't you dare let me out of your arms. I don't want to be alone again. I just want you back in my life." I squeeze her gently and hesitantly kiss the top of her head.

"Then I'll never let go again," I say "because I don't think I can go on without you back in my life again."