o k a y .

4

She prayed for him.
She asked God to do this for her. To give her this love that she's always craved. Of course she had crushes before, but this time was different. She could actually picture a relationship with him. She knew deep down in her gut that they could really work out. She needed him. She needed someone to talk to. She needed someone to be in love with her. She noticed a lot of similarities between them. The way they both twirled one earbud on their fingers, the way the both looked happy, but how something was missing. She asked around about him, wanting to know more. People said he had grown kinda distant from his friends. They said he left behind his "popular" friends. She wanted to know why. She wanted to know why he seemed distant. She was always one for a fixer upper. She wanted to be the one to put the broken pieces back together. She wanted to be someone's reason for living. It's really messed up when you think about it. Her worst fear was being deemed unnecessary, to not be wanted anymore. That's why she wanted to be needed. She wanted a guy who had demons, who was a work in progress, and she wanted to be the one to battle those monsters with him. She wanted to be the person that was like air to him. Because, if he can't live without her, then she'll always be needed. She'll never be betrayed or dropped by him. She wanted a guy who knows how to feel. She wants him to know how to cry. She wants to be a shoulder, she wants to be talked to. She wants to be trusted with secrets, hopes, dreams, desires. Crazy stupid fantasies that he thinks will never work, and she wants to be the one to push him to do them. She wants to know what twisted thoughts run in his mind, she wants to unravel them. She wants him to fall for her so hard that it hurts to get back up. She wants to be his best friend. She wants to be it all. But, the thing about wanting something, is that it's not necessary for survival. So, as she waits for something that won't happen, she survives with a smile on her face, but a hole in her chest.