o k a y .

7

She's given up and given in. She figures if it was meant to be that it would've happened by now. She can be impulsive and impatient sometimes, but she's level headed and content as well.

She finds herself questioning everything lately. Her body, her clothes, her hair. She overanalyzes, but she only reads between the lines. She only knows the summary, she missed all the details.

But details are important, they fill in the unknown. And the unknown can be a scary thing. Because when you don't know something, you make it up, you fake it. You try to come up with something to fill in the blanks and put your mind to rest, but it's all a lie. It's a guess, an opinion, not a fact. That's why we have myths, to fill in those unknowns so that they don't seem so scary anymore, so that we can understand them. It's something that ours brains can handle. We listen, comprehend, retain, and go about our daily lives like nothing is wrong. But it is. It's all wrong. We make up stories and we lie to ourselves and we hide the truth from people. We justify this by saying that it's for their own good, for their protection, but that's all a lie too. Truth is that the human being is a deceitful creature. At the end of the day we only look out for ourselves. Call it what you want. Human nature, survival of the fittest, natural instincts: whatever name you want to call it, we will put ourselves first always.

And it was stupid of me to think that you defied those facts. That you were somehow different from the other billions of people on the planet. I thought that you would look out for me and put me first. I thought for the first time in my life that maybe I wasn't crazy and that all of the signs I thought I had received had been real. I believed that the stars had aligned and the universe was trying to send me some message that it all was okay. That I was okay. But the universe doesn't send messages. There's no big post office in the galaxy. No pony express. Nothing. The only thing that the universe gives you is a taste of your own medicine. They say that what goes around comes back around, and believe me it does. But it comes back around so quietly that you doesn't hear it. You can't see it coming, you don't know when that meteor is about to hit and destroy your world. Because god forbid we actually take responsibility for our actions and face the consequences. Now why would we want to do that when we have more screwing over to do?

I bet that's the same question you ask yourself. Isn't it?