Reunited

Chapter 15

I finished writing my heart out. My mother used to tell me to "put all my rage, sorrows, and feelings on paper, they will guide you to your answers"since I was little and I didn't know what that meant until now. It was pretty late once I finished and I decided to lay down. I couldn't sleep so I just laid there thinking about Jonathan finding Christine and them having their happy ending. It was selfish of me to want to take that away from them. Those thoughts made me feel terrible and I started to tear up. I just wanted Jonathan to come back and tell me that he couldn't be without me. But my life wasn't a fairytale. He has a girlfriend and their probably going to get married and I can't get in the way of that. Plus Christine was so understanding when the whole picture ordeal I couldn't just separate them. I am being selfish and stupid. Jonathan and I were never anything before what makes me think that would end up together. Well it was time for me to move on and forget these days had ever happened. I have to forgive myself for what happened with Matt and forget that Jonathan had ever came into my life again.

"Hell I'm going on tour I should be happy " I said to myself.

Next morning I have to swing by the hospital for Matt's ashes. He always said that being put in a box to rot was not going to happen when he died and I decided that he should probably be cremated. Matt wanted his ashes to be spread on the beach, he said that that was his inspiration place. He used to talk about this kind of thing out of nowhere when he was writing his songs, I never thought I would actually have to do it. I wanted to live a good life with Matt, I wanted to grow old with him and have him sing to our kids and our grand kids. But he became a monster that life that I had imagined with him would've never happened.

I sat on the sand with the ashes in front of me and said "Thank you for giving me love, even though it faded, you and I had a good times and I'm sorry that changed. I'm also sorry your career didn't work out. I also want you to know that now I'm stronger than I was before. I'm learning how to function again." I emptied the urn into the water and said my final goodbye then got in my car and left.