A Century of Loneliness

Chapter 7: Telling the Truth

Jamie P.O.V

Lizzy arrives back home late this evening. I want to talk to her as soon as she is back. This cannot wait any longer. If we wait much longer then we're going to get married when that's the opposite of what we really want.

Lizzy might be tired when she finally gets home, but I can't let her rest. Resting means waiting even longer before telling anyone the truth. That is not a good thing. I've waited too long. Today is the day.

'How do I tell Lizzy? I'll start off with not wanting to get married and then explain why. I'll tell her that I've had these feelings for a long time. If she chooses not to be associated with me after that then so be it. It will definitely hurt, but I'll heal with time. Hopefully, this doesn't go completely horribly.'

I sigh and rub my face. While it feels relieving to finally have a plan of action, it's stressful because it's telling someone the truth about your feelings. That's always stressful.

I spend the day alone, waiting until nightfall. I normally spend the day alone anyway, until I go to see Lizzy. She's really the only friend I have, not that I mind. I never was a huge people person. Just me and her seem like a good combination.

Soon enough it's dark outside and I'm on my way to Lizzy's house. I walk pretty fast to get there as soon as possible. No more wasting time. This is a conversation between her and I that will have no interruption.

When I get to Lizzy's house I see her alone on the porch swing. She looks like she's falling asleep pretty easily. She must be tired.

I sit next to her which wakes her up. She smiles when she sees me and leans against my arm. She seems exhausted, not that I blame her.

"Lizzy, I need to talk to you. It's urgent," I start, trying to emphasize how important this conversation will be.

Lizzy groans softly. "Not tonight, Jamie. I'm so exhausted. Can't we talk in the morning?" she asks through a yawn.

"Elizabeth, this is urgent. We need to talk now. It's about the wedding. There's no more time to waste," I tell her sternly so she will listen.

She sighs and sits up, gesturing for me to talk about whatever I'm planning. She doesn't seem very happy anymore, which makes me wonder if it's a good idea to say now. I only force myself to continue because I can't back out now. It has to be done tonight.

"Lizzy, I love you as if you were my sister. You are my best friend and only companion, really. But this marriage simply isn't going to work. We don't love each other in an intimate way. This arrangement is going to leave us both unhappy. We can't get married. You'll find someone better and so will I. We'll just have to be patient. We're calling off the wedding." I explain to her, hoping she'll understand why I feel this way.

Lizzy sighs in relief and smiles. "Thank goodness. I didn't want to get married either. I love you like my brother, Jamie, but not as my husband. You've always been my best friend but there was never that romantic spark. We're not going to get married. I'm going to tell my father first thing in the morning," she replies, making me see that she feels the same way.

I nod and then look down towards the ground. There's still something I need to tell her, but now I'm worried. I don't know how she will react if I tell her something so uncommon. I have never heard of these types of emotions. I don't know how anyone will react.

"What's wrong, Jamie?" she asks softly, seeing my mood has suddenly changed.

"There's something else I wanted to tell you, but I don't know how you will react to it," I answer honestly, seeing no point in lying to her.

"Jamie, you can tell me anything. You'll still always be my brother," she tells me, pulling me close in a hug, "Now tell me what you want to tell me."

I sigh softly, knowing that this is the point of no return. "Ever since we got engaged I've been noticing these thoughts and feelings. I've never really felt attracted to women in general. I found them to be beautiful, but I never wanted to stop and marry one of them. Then I noticed that I didn't feel that way about men. I would notice them more than the women they were with. Now I find myself in the awkward situation where I feel like I would rather marry a man. Is there something wrong with me?" I explain, realizing how crazy I must sound for the first time.

Lizzy hugs me tighter and teases my hair. "Oh Hun, there's nothing wrong with you. This is something that's uncommon, but there's nothing wrong with you. You're not the only one who has these feelings. I've met other men who like men and women who like women. It's called homosexuality. Some people are homosexual and others aren't. You are completely normal, Jamie. Don't let anyone tell you anything bad about this."

For the first time, I understand what I am and what these emotions were. The whole time I was homosexual. Now everything makes sense. I feel better about myself too. It feels nice to tell someone about these emotions. I no longer have to keep them all to myself.

"Thank you, Lizzy," I say softly, resting my head against her chest.

She laughs softly and plays with my hair. "No problem. I just want you to be happy."

I can't help but smile. Lizzy does make me happy. I can't imagine having anyone else as a best friend. She is the only one worth my time. I'm so lucky to have her, and so is the man or woman in her future.

'This went better than expected.'