5121|| Spencer Reid Fan Fiction

Chapter 8

*Hayden's pov*

It's been three weeks and I'm still afraid of the dark. Spencer took the first week off of work wanting to be with me but I couldn't be like that forever. I couldn't take this much of his time forever. I'm tired of all the trials i had to confess over and over the same thing. I'm tired of seeing Spencer worried face every time he leaves the house. I'm tired of the weekly talks with my therapist but most of all, I'm tired of the morning sickness. I didn't tell Spence about it yet because I'm afraid. I'm afraid I might be pregnant, but above all, I'm afraid it's his child.
This month i barely slept, I could barely stand Spencer touching me, let alone somebody else.

I know i have to go back to work because I can't just stay home forever. I can't even play piano. I can't do anything. He took away all my joy. He took it away from me. Every time i close my eyes i can hear the gun shooting Mandy.
Today I'm going over to see Mandy's child. I promised her we'll both get out of there alive, and she trusted me.
The bruises have finally faded, but I chose not to dye my hair black again.
I look in the mirror and flashbacks of seeing Mandy in blood start popping in my head.
I take my keys, rehears my smile in the mirror and leave.
The first week was awful, I couldn't leave the house. I was afraid of any noise, even though I didn't let Spence see it all. He was already worried enough.
The second week, I learned how to smile again. I would go in the bathroom and rehears the best fake smile I could do, because i knew Garcia wouldn't let me stay in the house no more. Mary took care of everything for me at the Safest and kept visiting me to catch up on everything that happened at the firm and with her.
The only person who knows almost everything that happened when Harry abducted me, is my therapist. I know Spencer wants to know everything, but knowing those stuff, will affect him and I don't want him to act like I'm a baby who needs attention 24/7.

Today is actually the first day I'm leaving the house alone and some part of me is proud that I finally gathered up my strength. When i take the first step out of the building, my feet run to the car feeling like someone is always following me. I drive to Mandy's address i found in one of Spencer's files and when i get there i park my car near the house. I look around, still staying in the car and i try to understand why I'm here. Mandy is the one who helped me escape and she's dead. She suffered so much, for what? What am I going to tell her husband? That she is dead because she was useless to Harry once he had me? How can i explain to her daughter that her mother is gone because of me? What am I actually doing here? I can't say anything that's gonna make them feel better.

I feel rage gathering up, i feel sick just thinking how one man can ruin the lives of so many others. I start the engine and push the gas pedal turning around the car. I drive with no direction and i find myself angry around the Washington State Penitentiary. I know he is here and for some reason i feel the urge to see him.
I don't even know the visiting hours. I don't even know if he's allowed to get visits. I just go in and I receive weird looks when i say who I'm here to see. I sign my name and I look at the page and I realize Hotch and Derek came here to talk to him the last days.

As i wait I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. I rub my fingers nervously and i see a guardian bringing him. He walks slowly and smiles when he sees me.
"Hayden, i knew you'd come around." He smirks and i furrow my brows.
"I missed you." His smile is so pure, I can't even understand how is this man the same monster he was in the basement.
"I came here to ask you something." I finally speak and he tilts his head listening to me.
"Why'd you kill my friend?" My face can't show any emotions of fear that deep down flow in my veins.
"She was not your friend. Didn't you realize? She wanted me too, and I couldn't cheat on you. I had to do it, Hayd. I had to do it for us." His words make me sick, it's like he made up this excuse story that somehow is supposed to clear him of the wrongs he's done.